The Monster
Dear Anxiety,
When they ask me what I am afraid of,
I lie.
I am a person with worry, fear, doubt, and with grace. I worry for those who will be hurt by me, those who will be disappointed in me, those who will care for me but leave me, and those who I...
in Death Moving On Poems
I wasn't ready
For that last goodbye.
There's so much more
I never got to say.
My story is a sad one, as are many of the ones you have to deal with. It's about the loss of my youngest son, who took his own life on August 23, 2020...the day after his 30th birthday. He...
So this really hit me. Every day of freshman year the only way I made it was by telling myself I could kill myself the next day. I told myself nothing mattered, seeing as I would be dead by December anyways. I set a date, November 15, 2016, to do it. And I remember nothing from that day. According to my attendance records I was absent from school that day (presumably faked being sick), but I have no recollection of any of it. It makes me really wonder what happened. I am in recovery, but sometimes bad thoughts come back. I haven't purged, cut, or burned myself or tried to break any bones as of May 2018.
I have struggled with self-harm for years. I now consider myself to be in recovery, as I haven't cut or burned myself intentionally for a little over 4 months. I am reminded every day of what I overcame by the scars on my body, and sometimes, in all honesty, I hate them. I feel like they make me different and marked as someone who is “bad,” but I know absolutely none of this is true. Scars show where you've been, not where you're going, and just because I wear some of my past on the outside doesn't make me different. This poem was empowering to me. Thank you.