Struggling With Depression And Suicide

• by Michael Adams
• 2 years ago

I can relate pretty much here. I've got some real anxiety and depression issues that are really eating me up. I think a lot, and my soul bleeds daily. I cheer myself up daily, but it ain't working. My life's like hell.

• by Angela Huang
• 3 years ago

I can relate. I am a 18 year-old Chinese girl who suffers deeply from depression because of my family misfortune. My father died when I was 15 years old. Then my mother was also diagnosed as a breast cancer patient. I'm a girl who was born with orphan disease known as the Tourette syndrome. But I never gave up yet, and I won't give as long as I can still breathe. Stay strong. Then life will treat as back with warmth and happiness. God bless you!

• by Anonymous
• 4 years ago

I don't know if I have depression. But I'm starting to think I do. I've been doing research and taking tests and they've come out mostly severe depression. I don't want to tell my mum. The thing I'm most scared about is letting her down. When I feel like crying, I lock myself up and cry, hoping no one will see me because my mum always threatens she'll hit me if I cry. I'm scared and don't know what to do. I'm tired and am fearing I have depression.

• by Angelina Lopez
• 5 years ago

It really touched me; I truly understand. I am 16 and the oldest of 4 younger siblings, about to be 5, but they expect me to be the perfect daughter or should I say puppet that they want. But not all of us have the same father. I just found out that I'm just a mistake; my father didn't want me and mostly ruined my mom's future of her finishing school. Apparently, she blames me being born, but she is a good mother to them. As I grew older, I realized that I felt like I wasn't a part of the family; it felt like I'm always in the background just hoping they would see me and be loved, but what I would always wonder if I were gone would they even care or something? At night, I would cry, but in front of them in the daytime I would smile and laugh so they can't see how I feel on the inside. All I want is to just to be cared for or loved or at least noticed of how I truly feel in the inside even though I am old enough to care for myself, but still.

• by Sambhokwane Johannes
• 5 years ago

I have read all the stories and it's very sad. I have learned a lot from this poem. Life has no formula. Wishing all the best, and I believe and hope that the one above all will give you more than you need.

• by Sandra T Urayayi
• 5 years ago

My father passed away when I was 4. My mom started selling her clothes so that my sister and I would have something to eat. She sold almost all her stuff. Growing up without a father was tough. I was abused so badly. I grew up with so much anger because of the abuse. Now that I am 26 and married, I am still depressed and I get angry so quickly. I got married to someone with anger issues too. So it's either a fight or I am crying. I have thought of committing suicide several times, but till now I don't know what's keeping me alive. Reading other stories made me realize I could get help and be a better person.

• by Elijah Josias Matthews
• 5 years ago

My mom got abused by my dad and I was thrown across a room by him when I was 1. My mom tried to fight back. He picked up a gun and shot her 3 times in the head and killed my seven year old sister after she stabbed him with a knife. He died and so did the rest of the people in that home. I am now 22 with a degree and sometimes wonder if I could have prevented this. So one night I tried to kill myself with a drug overdose. I didn't die. I still have the urge to kill myself, but I don't. I hit myself in the arm so I won't hurt myself, but I usually meditate. Sometimes when you find out something horrible like this event, you wish you could prevent yourself from knowing. Do not hurt yourself. I will never hurt myself ever again. If something ever gets hard in your life do what I did or do what bring you to your happy place.

• by Michael Butler
• 7 years ago

Stay strong. I feel your pain, however, you have strength. It's in your writing. I love you, friend.

• by Stella
• 7 years ago

I am a 19-year-old orphan girl born in Congo and raised in South Africa. During the war back then, my father was murdered in front of my family and me. The soldiers entered our home while we were having breakfast, raped my mom and beheaded my dad in front of me. I'll never forget this. I was 14 at that time. From there we came here to South Africa. We had to receive our documents, so my mom left my brother and me with my aunt and went to Durban, not knowing that it was the time of xenophobia. During that time, along with other foreigners, my mom was murdered, burned alive. I'm now 19, and it has been 4 years since I've lost my mom. I was then forced to sell drugs to survive. I only had myself and my baby brother. But I'm now a changed, strong girl who wants to further her studies and become a pilot. Although I don't have the finances, I know God will make a way where there seems to be no way. May my story inspire you to stay strong and never give up. Just trust in God.

• by Magdalene Anyango
• 7 years ago

I am an orphan. My parents died when I was still a baby, so I have no memories about them or the little time I got to have with them. I was raised up in a children's orphanage, and life was okay during the time I was growing up. Now that I'm older and discharged from the home, I feel stressed out because once they let you go, that's it. I feel as if I don't have a family anymore, people I can run to when I need help or people to share my successes with. I also happen to be a loner, so I don't keep many friends. Most friends I have are the ones I grew up with. I feel so alone and unloved.

• by Gladys Briton
• 7 years ago

I've been asked a lot, "Why do you have depression when you have every MATERIAL thing you could want? You also have a family that loves you." Then this comes next, "You can't be depressed when you have everything." Well the problem is, I am and the reason is also my family. I have a father who told me when I was small when I kiddingly asked, "If you can choose a child to have, who would you choose?" He straight up told me that he would never choose me. A father who is a womanizer and prefers his other children to his legal ones because all his legal ones are not good enough. A mother who always gets angry when she sees you. Sisters who blame you for every bad thing. A family who does not see you even though you are right there. A family who treats you as a child at your age of 29. Now tell me if you still think I shouldn't have this depression. I want love, not things. I want to be seen.

• by Collin
• 7 years ago

I'm a young teenage male, and I don't really have a reason to be depressed because honestly, my family loves me and is amazing. I'm doing okay in school. I don't have really many friends at all, but that doesn't matter. The only reason I'm so sad is because on the first day of my school year last year, my grandmother died. She was my favorite person in the whole world. Now sometimes, even on my birthday, I end up crying for quite a while without any reason. I don't really know what to do about it, but I just get overwhelmingly sad. Easter was my grandmother's favorite holiday.

• by Sky
• 8 years ago

I'm sorry for saying this but it is comforting (in a way) to know when someone else is going through similar problems like mine. I was raped and my family treats me like shit. They use it against me. They shout stuff like "You're crazy, go take your depression pills, go see your doctor" in a mocking and laughing way. It's so hard to already deal with depression, and have your family make fun of you for having depression. They have made me think that I'm not really depressed, that I'm just playing victim. I'm so confused and I feel bad for myself. I've been trying to run away from my feelings. Been trying to distract myself and not think about anything that would remind me of what happened to me and how my family treats me. I've been running away from it all, and I'm actually scared that if it does catch up to me, it will be the end of me. I don't want to face my emotions, I'm better at pretending that everything is alright.

• by Alyssa, Canada
• 10 years ago

I have been struggling with depression for a while now. Ever since I realized my father had a drug addiction, it has only gotten worst. I take medication when I wake up, and before I fall asleep. I was recently rushed to the hospital for getting ten stitches on my wrist, and was almost again taken to a psych ward ( I have been in one multiple times) and always feel as if today is the last day. Todays the day I'm going to end it. But I never do. Depression is a feeling I, myself cannot explain, but after reading this poem, I've seen my disorder brought out into words. It almost give a small sense of clarity. I am currently of my teenage years, and hoping to one day be a brighter person altogether, but that day seems to never arrive to my sight. I'm already aware that other people have my disorder, but I always think in my head that their case is not the same at all. They don't survive the same way, they even seem to cope with it better than me, which is always an anxiety booster ( knowing you're the one kid who hasn't figured it out). One day I want to be a tattoo artist, but my skills are not improving much which always worries me about if I have any future at all. I don't do good with much else. I'm kind of stupid that way. But yea, just thought why not share my story? I hope all the other depressed ones fine their clarity in life and are able to move up in this world, and look back one day and say " yes, I did survive my depression ", and to live their life fearless and optimistically. Hope I didn't bore you. Have a good day to whoever see's this :*

• by Charley Allen, Stamford
• 10 years ago

I know how you feel. I have the exact same problem. I'm always sad but I try to hide it because I don't want my parents to know how sad and lost I am. It started a year ago and it has gotten worse. This poem gave me the feeling that someone could actually understand what I'm going though.

• by Ladybug, Turkey
• 10 years ago

I lost four of my siblings one after an other. I remember crying in the morgue and trying to reach my dead brother's feet to kiss him goodbye (I was 7 then). A year later my baby sister was born. She was 3, 5 years old when I caused her death while trying to save her in a flashflood. I had to make a choice, either both of us were going to die, or I could survive. I was so so scared of death that I let her hand go....I was 12 then.
Three years later my eldest brother died at a car crash at the age of 25. My very good school grades dropped drastically after the death of my baby sister. I used to speak to her, would always sit alone at a table in class cause I thought that her soul would be with me. I would put paper and crayons for her and always put a plate for her too when I ate, then I added an other one for brother too. This went on for a while but somehow I "got over it" I thought. With a devil like father at home, always beating and fighting us, until I married with 19 just to get out of that hell we called "home". My marriage failed. With one daughter, started working and shortly after that my depressions started. Actually I became obsessed with death. I sacred to death that I will die or someone I love. Every little physical pain drives me crazy, I think the worst! Cancer, becoming terminally ill etc. I can't go to the doctors because I panic like crazy! Sometimes these panicky attacks wont leave for days! All I feel is "I am going to die, I am going to die". I got treated for a long time was even hospitalized. Just felt a little better and had some "hope" growing in my heart, my 36 year old sister died of cancer. Since then I have been on several drugs for the past 15 years. But I feel like they don't help anymore. I am going down! Living in a terrible fear, panic attack! Cant take it anymore!

• by Tabitha, GA
• 10 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing your poem. This is how I feel everyday and have for the last 20 years. Maybe longer... It is really nice to read all the stories people have shared over your beautiful poem. Makes me feel less alone. Thank you.

• by Kmo, Virginia
• 10 years ago

This poem explains my life. I've been fighting a severe case of major depression disorder since I was ten years old. I'm now 16 and it's only worse. I'm not entirely surprised I have depression with the rest of my life the way it is. The medicine for my Asperger's, anxious and ADD always ends with a drop. They keep giving me higher doses because my metabolism is scary high but it always results in a extreme emotional drop at the same damn time. Anti-depressants always make things worse...that goes for any type of pills. I've never had many friends and I always fear that everyone hates me. That's why I've always tried to be nice to everyone, not because I'm a good person, but out of fear of being harassed and hated again. I'm constantly remind about the debt we owe and my mom gets so stressed that she puts the work of weary counseling and communication to my unemployed dad. Don't get me started on my "super helpful" brat of a little sister. The stressed and emptiness was overwhelming. First, I stopped exorcising, then talking to my friends, then sleeping, then eating, then talking, then walking.... I started to cut myself with my shower razor on my upper highs so I don't have many scars and no one ever found out. I tried jumping (not off a bridge) once but stopped myself from hitting my head on the last second with my arm and now I have an ugly scar. No one knows that I have done this. If my parents knew, they'd break. They're already walking on a thin line.
I had a boyfriend for a over a year who helped raise me up, but my worst enemy kept stomping me back down. It came back during our last month, when he was avoiding me. Looking back on that...it's most likely why he broke my already broken heart. He'd always say that no, I was beautiful and a wonderful person, but I could never see that. When I look at myself in the mirror, I wish I could say he's right. I just can't see her.

• by Reece
• 10 years ago

I suffered with depression for 4 years going from primary school to secondary school, I never really had any true friends and the friends I did have would backstab be and bully me, I always got called names due to my weight and I have ADHD which made it a lot harder to make friends.
Every day I would come into school crying and I would try to skip out on lessons due to my bullies being in the lessons, I would also come home crying.
My family life was dwindling as my parents divorced and my Dad was in prison for a crime that wasn't his fault, also I had to see a physiotherapist which bullies used to think it was exercises for my obesity.
As an underdog I would get pushed to the ground, hopeless as I didn't have any friends that I could depend on, I was alone.
I also started self harming as I thought it was a good idea to stop the pain from getting to me but it just made it worse, it increased my depression and started making me doubt my life and my existence.
It effected my school life and education and still today I get flashbacks that remind me of my past, I felt so lonely and without anyone I could talk to, my mum would ask me what was wrong and I'd just stay in my room and sleep, trying to get a day off school just so I could have a rest from the bullying.
To this day, I still have memories and my depression still comes back to lower my mood, depression isn't a thing that just goes after the sad part of your life is finished, it stays and comes back on you when you cannot help it.
Even though now I have friends that I can tell my story to I like to keep it to myself, as I do not want them to think that I am broken inside when I know I am.

• by Skyler, White Cloud Mi
• 10 years ago

I suffer with depression. I have had it since I was a little girl. A while back I had gotten depression pills but I never feel like taking them. I've felt this way for such a long time and this poem describes exactly how I feel. Life is just getting harder and harder for me.

• by De'Nay, USA
• 11 years ago

I want you to do me a favor. I want you to close your eyes and imagine me. You average all around American girl. Now I want you to go a little deeper imagine a hopeless little girl a 2nd grader loosing her virginity to a nasty old dirt bag because of the negligence from a mother. Imagine being raped on a school bus on your way to school over and over and over again. Repeatedly asking myself why why me? I never quite understood. Imagine this little girl being treated like crap from her own family. Grandmother wishing she wasn't born, saying all these horrible things about her. Parents treating you like you asked to be here. This life this is very hard. I've tired to commit suicide to the point where I can no longer remember how many times. It kills me to wake up each day knowing my family hates me. I have so much to say

• by Angry Boy
• 11 years ago

A beautiful poems, captures how I am feeling perfectly. Depression is something I would not wish on my worst enemies, every day feels a struggle. Thank you for the poem.

• by Oneday, Uk
• 11 years ago

I was diagnosed with depression a year ago but they said I've had it since I was about 8 which was when my mum got together with her now ex, who used to abuse me in all the ways. I'm 16 now and every now and again I stay in bed for the whole day crying. I felt so alone before but now that I know I'm not just weak, things are better. I have a bestfriend who is always there for me, but he's never been through half of the things I have which is why, when I have my days in bed, I look for poems on the internet and this one's one of the best ones I've found. It's really powerful when you really feel like the poem describes. So I just want to say thank you for writing this poem.

• by Theresa, Mi
• 11 years ago

I'm sorry for all of you that have to go through this. I've had depression for yrs. I am 48. My son has it to and I'm scared for him. He keeps making one mistake after another, now he has two children and he and his gf are splitting up. His fault. I've begged him to get on meds, to see someone. He feels he is nothing. He had a bad childhood as a lot of children do. As his Mom I have tried and tried, but he lies to therapists? I don't get it. I'm scared I'm going to lose him. There is hope, there is God, and there are meds that can help you, you have to make yourself do it. Get off the couch the bed whatever and go get help. Your life will be amazing. I truly believe that. You do have purpose and these dark days will pass. Find that support system whether it be family or clubs or groups. There is help out there, it doesn't have to be this way. I just wish he would listen and trust me. Breaks my heart.

• by Adrian Lockhart, Milwaukee Wisconsin
• 11 years ago

Reading this poem made my eyes a lil watery. it reminds me so much of how I feel everyday of my life. I try my hardest everyday to not give in. I tell my self don't listen to the devil I try and keep gods name in my heart.

Thank You

• by Brenda, Kentucky
• 11 years ago

I never go to many websites for I'm hardly ever on the computer. But when I read this poem, every word in it describes me completely! I feel so alone with my depression, nobody understands me so I try to keep it inside. This is the best poem I've ever read that I can totally relate to.

thank you,
Brenda

• by Tyesha
• 12 years ago

This poem actually relates to what I am feeling now at school. I am also a poem and a story writer, but every time I think to myself that suicide is the only way out it gets me in the erg to kill myself. But I won't give up as yet, I will keep my head high no matter what these Inagua idiots say.

• by Jacqueline, Michigan
• 12 years ago

To: Lucy, Oregon

I've tried suicide several times & I never succeeded (for different reasons). I guess we're here for a reason. It took me awhile to get on the right combination of anti-depressants to finally get some relief. Also, and I am not kidding, I rebuke Satan & any unclean spirits whenever I feel even a "hint" of depression coming on. When I first tried this, I had to rebuke maybe 75 times a day, but now I only do it approximately three times a week. It is important to walk with the Lord as well as read your Bible daily. You may feel I am preaching to you, but I once left the Lord because I had given up hope. Today I know that I will never, ever leave Him again.

• by Suz, Wa
• 12 years ago

Your poem has helped me explain to my family and friend how I feel. I have never been able to put it into words without being angry. Thank you for this offering to all of us who quietly suffer, you have given us words to express our feelings.

• by Lucy, Oregon
• 12 years ago

I got depressed after having most of my intestines removed when I was 18. I have to be close to my bathroom all the time. I can't work and have a few friends. I found my best friend dead almost 3 years ago, I did CPR until help arrived but I couldn't save her and neither could they. I keep waiting for my last parent to die. How selfish of me to make my Mom go through my death. Now my sister and I talk a little and I'm worried about doing it to her when my mom goes. I know my life is good compared to others, it doesn't make the depression go away. I've tried to kill myself but it never took. No one knows I tried. I got close to telling a friend, and now I don't hear from her.

• by Anderson, SC
• 12 years ago

I appreciate your posting this. Of course I am not glad you have had to suffer to be able to write this out, but it is certainly helpful to me to know I am not alone and that others struggle through this darkness that wants to take over our minds. Hang in there and I will too. Sunlight helps me a lot, that and fresh air. Baby steps.

• by Stephanie, United States
• 12 years ago

I absolutely love this. I can totally relate. Ever since I was a teen, I've been battling w/ depression. Thank you for the great poem. It makes me feel some comfort in knowing I'm not so alone in these feelings!

• by Carin, Missouri
• 12 years ago

I don't know how any of us go on....I'm 34, diagnosed when I was 20, realized I have had it since a small child. It just seems to get worse and worse to the point that I cannot even hold down a job anymore. I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy....

• by G, NY
• 12 years ago

I'm scared about my sister.

• by Alejandra, Nj
• 13 years ago

This really touched me and I read it twice and the second times reading I just totally broke down crying and it seemed like the tears jus wouldn't stop falling. Thank you

• by Amber Marie, Tx
• 13 years ago

Wow...this poem really hit home for me. When you are struggling with major depression and you want to find a way for people that are close to you to understand how you are feeling...thus poem would do it. I read it to my husband and he said wow.

• by Rachel, Ireland
• 13 years ago

I think this poem is really good and really captures how people with depression feel. I have now had depression for 4 years, since my dad died when I was 13. It broke my heart because my whole family fell apart...
This poem makes me feel, however, that I'm not alone

• by Kim, Michigan
• 14 years ago

I was diagnosed with depression and was the only one in my family who ever had it. I felt so alone. there were so many things I didn't know. so many meds and side effects. I started to freak out. what was I going to do? then I read this poem and I calmed down. I just needed to take things one step at a time.

• by Danyelle
• 15 years ago

I fell this way ever day I don't know how I can go on day to day, but I do. When I read this poem it gave me hope to be better at doings things and not screwing things up all the time