Behind The Mask

• by Ssandooraa, Nsw, Australia
• 2 years ago

This poem has literally touched not only my heart but my soul! I am 26 and have had major depression disorder from the age of 18, if not younger!
I never had someone to understand me, so I started writing as well, but this poem you wrote is basically the fight I go through every day! I'm in love with it!

• by Kokumo Oluwaseyi
• 3 years ago

I'm in the University, and I always feel like everybody hates me. I discovered that when I make friends, I let them into my heart and my life, and then I feel down when I see that they start changing behavior or attitude. My heart starts hurting. I cry most times. I feel depressed. I then believe I have no one. Close friend sucks. The ones I believed in turn out to be unbelievable. I've lost my friends. I don't know what to do. I only have my father and brothers.

• by Joshua Daniel Reed
• 3 years ago

I have been depressed and down into a pit of darkness for years now. I have family who care about me, but I shut them out 'cause I'm so out of control that my demons have taken over my life. They tell me every day things that ain't true, but my mind believes them. I lost my only friend that I could talk to many months ago, which was my grandmother. I have a fiancee who accuses me of cheating on her every day, and she just doesn't know how much I am hurting and doing, which is not helping whatsoever. It's making my depression even worse. I have thought about ending my life, but I am better than that. It is just that my depression has taken over my life, and it's been so hard to cope with it. Feeling this way makes me feel like no one even cares and doesn't care if I'm around or not. There have been a lot of time I've lied in my bed and cried my eyes out, questioning my life.

• by Helga A. Rodriguez-Brandt
• 3 years ago

I wish there were a way that I could reach out to all these poets with depression. I suffer from GAD, but I know that my family loves me and cares. I wish I could tell them directly, you are worthy and there is nothing wrong with having a chemical imbalance or mental illness! If anyone knows how I may help, please let me know. I am a retired Speech Therapist, so I could give words of hope and support. God bless them.

• by Aaryn C
• 4 years ago

When I was just 9, my brother wanted to live with his mother, so I sat home alone in the darkness. Of course, my parents were divorced, so I had to go back and forth with them. Then when I was about 11 years old, my father had left me for another family. My father had moved out of the country just so he could live with them. He never said goodbye to me. He called me after a month and told me he was in Costa Rica and not in the US. I then cried thinking to myself, "Did my dad really just left me for a new family?" I then soon had depression. I didn't tell anyone about it though. The next thing that happened was that my cousin has decided to run away from my uncle's house. That's where it hit me. I was close to my cousin. We would hang out and play games together. We still talk, but we still can't see each other. I then realized that my life became harder. I found out that my brother had kids at the age of 21. I didn't even get the chance to see my nephews. It is 2020 now, and I still have depression

• by Anonymous
• 5 years ago

People keep saying that I have to stay strong, that I can get through it. They don't understand unless they've been through it themselves! I don't want to push anyone away or anything, but depression keeps me from doing what I desire to. I want to express my feelings to someone; though joy, hope and happiness cannot be obtained once you're enraptured within the darkness, being suffocated until your last days. I think that I have to be alone, to keep experiencing depression so I can be different, but I want to be rid of it too; though maybe I'm just crazy...

• by BornToLive, Flagstaff AZ
• 5 years ago

Life has a way of putting masks into people's hands and convincing them to wear it. I used to be an outgoing girl who had her life planned out, ready to take on the world. Life didn't appreciate my efforts in being happy and decided to try and cut me down. With every betrayal, rejection, and embarrassment, my mask came on more and more frequently until I was too tired to take it off. Those who know me still think of me as that optimistic girl from the past, who always has a smile to share. A constant wish of mine is that someone will care enough to notice I'm not "normal" and that I've changed, and then are willing to take off my mask. I wish a lot. Writing and music have become my only outlets. A chance for me to be normal, to feel normal. This may be awful to say, but I'm happy I'm not the only one feeling like this. Melisa, thank you for helping me realize that.

• by Bamang Lucy, Itanagar, India
• 5 years ago

Sometimes in life we cannot express everything to others, so the poem is the best way to express our feelings. Keep writing, dear. It will help you a lot. And thank you so much; it also helped me to think in a better way.

• by Sky Dusty Rodes Bromberg
• 5 years ago

I always wanted to be someone else, and I always hated myself. I didn't want to be with my depression anymore. It was always painful, but little did I know life was going to be a lot better than I thought it would be. My story first started when I started being in pain and I was only 5 years old, so I thought it would probably pass, and it did for a week. Then I put on a mask ever since then. I honestly didn't think it was depression. I just thought I was sad all the time. I didn't even know what depression was. So I just thought I was just sad and I didn't know why. It went on until last summer. I thought it wouldn't be that bad, but it was. It was so painful. I always wanted to cut and cut, and I did. It was bad. I knew that it was bad to cut, but I still did it because I wanted to feel something. I was depressed for two months more and I got better.

• by SapphireRose
• 6 years ago

I can relate. I've waited so long. I only want someone to care enough to look and take away my mask and see me for who I am. I've waited so long, but I've honestly given up.

• by Terri
• 6 years ago

Read this poem and it hit home. That is exactly how I'm feeling. I've been off work for depression. I've been on medication nearly 3 months, but I feel no better now than when I got hit with depression. I have suffered from PTSD previously due to an incident that happened at a different job. Having depression has reignited those feels as well, which has also kicked off memories of my childhood.

The pain and the isolation I am feeling right now is unbearable. I'm feeling failure and worthlessness. Being a good Catholic girl, I would never end my life as this would be a mortal sin and I would be doomed into the afterlife for eternity, which would be defeating the object of being released from my torment. I know people who have suffered depression have weathered the storm and gotten to the other side, and I hope that I do too. Anyone who is feeling like me right now, I only say this, "Let's weather the storm together and meet on the other side."

• by Kirsten
• 6 years ago

I am 15 years old, and I am constantly hiding myself. I am always behind a mask because no one in my family understands the pain that I am living through. When I was 9, my grandma died from cancer (smoking). It killed me. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would run away to her house when I was mad at my parents. She was my light. The second she left this world I put up a wall that no one to this day can break down and help me. I watched her take her painful and slow last breaths. It hurt me so much that I dropped to the floor and had a panic attack. I have severe depression, anxiety, and a lot more. Every day I wake up, I ask myself what is the point of being here? I am alone in this world. No one cares about me, not my parents not my sister, no one. I am looking for help but I cannot afford it. Please I know there are people out there who want to help. I just cannot find anyone.

• by Bermudez Aspa Mae Quela, Isulan, Sultan Kudarat, Philippines
• 6 years ago

I can relate to this poem. You keep your cool and are happy outside, but you're in pain on the inside. Lots of people nowadays are victims and suffer from depression, but they still do their best to fake it, even if it kills you inside. So it's a great job that the author wrote this poem. It's very emotional.

• by Felix Mophandle
• 6 years ago

I really liked the poem. As someone who suffers from depression off and on, it describes what depression it like. It's not something I'd wish on anyone. Especially when taunted by "good days."

• by Puseletso Rahlao
• 6 years ago

Thank you so much for this poem. I'm now cheerful and stronger.

• by Amanda
• 6 years ago

This is such an amazing poem! I suffered from depression and tried to end my life because I thought that no one knew my pain. This poem really touched me, and now I know that other people feel the same way!! Thank you so much for this!

• by Gabagail11
• 7 years ago

I have had depression all my life, since I was like 10. It’s hard to explain to anyone who doesn’t have it, but in reality I feel everyone has depression in one way or another. I feel depressed a lot more days than others, and I try to do what I love when I’m depressed like listening to music, writing poems and stories, drawing. I use those things to help get me out of depression, but sometimes I just want to lie in bed and cry. I can’t help it. I would like someone to talk to about my depression, but no one wants to hear it. They think I’m making it up. The doctors have it in their files that I have depression, but I had it before they wrote it down. But the doctors don’t know how to help me with my depression.

• by Samuel
• 7 years ago

This poem describes my depression accurately. The line, "This ache in my soul rips at my gut," truly hit home. I feel like I, as so many others do, find myself going through the motions to appear normal, but inside I am confined to a lonely kingdom of sadness and despair. I feel so much guilt for feeling this way. My life certainly has not been the worst life ever, and I have many comforts that others in this world do not have. Yet I am consumed by anxiety, depression, and a longing to escape. What a beautiful poem.

• by Jessie Green
• 7 years ago

Hey, I love this poem. It's amazing and speaks the words I fail to say. Love it. Thank you for submitting such a great poem! I'm very impressed.

• by Shane Hynd
• 7 years ago

Hi Melisa, my name is Shane. I've been dealing with depression for about 10 years now. I spent some time in a rehab center for suicidal thoughts and actions. They said I have a chemical imbalance. I fight with my thoughts every day and they just don't go away. Every day is a battle. I calm myself with music because it's the only thing that really understands me. I read your poem and it's unreal and speaks some much truth. I was wondering if I could make a song with your poem. Please message me. Can't wait to hear back from you and hope you're having a great day.

• by Channing Gaddy
• 7 years ago

I cried when I read this. This poem perfectly describes my repetitive days at middle school.

• by Franchesca Mia R. Tortoza, Philippines, Antipolo City
• 7 years ago

This poem is amazing and it is really something I can relate to. In school, I'm the one who is always bouncing cheerfully off the walls so no one knows my true tendencies. Keep writing; you're an amazing poet.

• by Jeanne Follett
• 7 years ago

I cried when I read your poem. I'm not sure which direction you were going with this, but with me, it hit dead on with my battle with bipolar, which I have been battling for over 20 years now. It's not just bipolar, however. From that other disorders branched off. I have panic, anxiety, schizophrenia, ADHD. Living with this and trying to keep them at bay has been the fight of my life. I have pushed away my own family so I would not "attack" them, so to say, during one of my episodes. I try to hurt them, as I hurt inside. They choose not to learn anything about my illness when I gave them things to read about it, trying to explain it is like trying to explain colors to a blind man. I have been to hell and back. The war I fight with the demons never ends. I no longer go anywhere, I stay at home, except for apts. I'm afraid to leave. No one understands what I'm going through. They only think that I have changed. How blind can they be? Afraid of me? Thanks for telling my story in your poem.

• by Ana D'souza
• 8 years ago

I am a girl of 15 and am depressed. This world is really cruel. I also write poems; this poem really touched me. I really wish for someone to open the mask and just look into my eyes and help me find me because I have lost myself. I am trying to find me, but I can't. This darkness wants me in, and I don't wanna betray her....

• by Rob Sidebottom
• 8 years ago

I am 53, married, and successful, but my job increasingly takes me away from my family Monday through Friday. Each Monday becomes more of a struggle as my mind contemplates a week of loneliness. This poem so reflects my feelings during those days as I put on the mask for my work colleagues and customers.

Thank you for putting into words the feeling I struggle to express to those around me. I always have the weekends to look forward to, but each week on Monday morning I feel I die a little more. But I see Friday on the horizon.

• by Demigod1125
• 8 years ago

This is the story of my time in the school I go to. Everyone sees me as a freak, or as just a shadow. I am shoved, walked away from, and even stepped on but no one even seems to care. Sometimes I start to think I'm a freak, or diseased because of all of the people that leave me.

• by Millie Weke
• 8 years ago

Born in the ghetto, going to bed without food, raped 6 times, hated by family and relatives for raising my voice, wearing torn clothes, using unused clothes as a sanitary pads, not having anyone who can listen to me, everyone isolating me, alone still I am. My life is a survival for the fittest, My SMILE hides alot & it keeps me moving. Proud to be a Survivor.....

• by Andrew Strom
• 8 years ago

I understand this so well. Too well. I wish I had someone who could see the mask I wear, who could see who I really am underneath, because I don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I could know who I truly am under all the layers of my screwed up mind, who I'm supposed to be.

To whomever is reading this: If you already know how to be yourself, take that and run with it. Run and hide and don't ever let anyone take it away from you. Who you truly are is where happiness lies, and there is nothing more valuable than that. Be yourself and stay that way, because when you hide behind a mask for long enough, you forget who you were underneath.

• by Broken1023
• 8 years ago

I fake a smile, a laugh, and my happiness at school is to hide that I am truly broken inside. I am still waiting for that one person to come and notice my fake smile and maybe help me smile for real again.

• by Jason
• 8 years ago

This poem describes me perfectly. In my time of need, I didn't have a friend that was close to me, a friend whom I would be able to trust wholeheartedly. I wasn't able to express my feelings and let it all out. Instead, I had to keep it all in, constantly wearing a mask hiding my true feelings and my true self. The pain slowly, and gradually began to build up. I believed that a day would come where I would break down, and be crushed by the weight of my true feelings. But instead, I started to grow accustomed to the pain and the loneliness. There have been plenty of moments in my life where I have felt empty inside, like a void. I didn't feel anything occupying the space. No feelings, no emotions, I just felt completely empty. Currently as I am writing this, I feel like this. There have been events where I normally would have been overwhelmed by my feelings. But because of how I am as of now, the events had no impact on me. Even now I yearn for someone to take off my mask and save me.

• by Aidan Conway
• 8 years ago

This poem is just... God, how do I say it? It's perfect in every sense. In every way shape and form. I know the pain, I just hope you get better oh so soon. I'm going into high school and I've tried to take my life 4 times. I'll share my story on how I got depressed. Let's go back in time to 6th grade. I have all honors classes and I'm generally liked by people. I have extreme ADHD that isn't diagnosed yet and I have a very hard time focusing. My honors s.s teacher holds me after class everyday to tell me how I'm not good enough for any honors classes. Fast foreword to now. My girlfriend helped me push through the last of my depression and I'm going into all honors classes and AP World History at my school. I know I'm weak, only being depressed for 2 years but trying to take my life 4 times. You are perfect. You are the most important person ever to me. Every time you want to self harm remember reading this and how sad I would be knowing you were murdered by your demons. Please...

• by Melisa Poet
• 8 years ago

Caitlin,
What a good example you are! You may feel broken yet you continue to work hard in school, bravo! At such a young age, if writing has taught you to work hard, then you have a bright future, possibly in writing. One thing that my love of writing spread to was theater. ( After all the ancient Greeks literally wore masks while performing ) Being able to be someone else entirely was exactly what I wanted, I used to pick my favorite character from a play ( I loved musicals ) and think about my feelings as if I were them and what they would say or do, it became sort of a game and would take my mind off my troubles at least for a little while. I can only imagine the sounds coming from my bedroom as I spoke a dramatic monologue or sang a show stopping number to myself lol.
You may be hurting right now, but you seem to be handling this with maturity and not using it as an excuse or reason to fail. You are not alone dear!

• by Rawan Z. Alsayed
• 8 years ago

I feel like that everyday. So at the end I write. I write till my hands hurt but because I write the pain of my heart lessens just enough to go through another day.

Writing is a blessing given to me. I plan on keeping it.

• by Kat, Chicago
• 9 years ago

I'm glad the author of this poem has found writing! Writing for oneself soothes the soul. I hope that people will ask for help when suffering from depression. Hiding feelings and suffering in silence doesn't help anyone.

• by Caitlyn, Australia
• 9 years ago

I am a 14 year old and I am living in a world of masks. I am hiding every day. I do not know how to get someone to take mine off. Everyone I know is blind. Blind because they do not really want to know what pain is really rising up in me. I ache every single day thinking no one cares. No one loves me.
Writing took my mind off this. I write now, I work hard in school even though I still have the mask on. Writing takes me to the world where my mask is gone and all that there is, is me. Writing has taught me to try your best even though you are hurting inside.