Some Call It Crazy

• by Hunter Bergstrom
• 8 years ago

I'm currently 15. I have been cutting myself for about 3 years. It all started when I got bullied in the 5th grade. They did almost anything you can think of. But I am just happy to know that I am not the only one!

• by Adi, CA
• 10 years ago

Well when I was young I was raped several times for 1 and a half year by my cousin and it really got to me when he brought his friends and they took turns raping me in the bathroom, not only that but my dad was an alcohol addict so he would always come home drunk and sometimes would beat my mom. After that when I was 11 things started getting better but, I entered middle school and started getting bullied, and once in a while sexually harassed which made me feel very pathetic so then I started cutting myself and thinking suicidal. There is more but this is just when I started cutting. I'm 15 now and things have gotten better again but the thing is I still cut because it's addicting.

• by Samuel Simons
• 10 years ago

Hello every one, my name is James. I used to cut when I found out my father abandoned me when I was a couple months old and my step-father was an alcoholic who beat me. I started cutting in the 5th grade for a couple months then I stopped because I realized what I was doing to myself. I am in 7th grade now and I haven't done it for 2 years. I have a girlfriend who cuts and Something happened and she cut herself and OD with a bunch of pills and someone was saying something rude to her and it became a huge thing and she's not coming back for the rest of the year. That was my trigger and I started cutting on Friday and cut every night.

• by Samuel Simons
• 10 years ago

My GF cuts and I used to and I feel terrible she got kicked out of school for it we still date and talk. How do I help her?

• by Ryan
• 10 years ago

I'm currently 12. I started cutting since I was 10. At the time I was getting bullied in school so I got in fights. This lead to more cutting I did not want to hurt anyone. I felt like it was my fault this kid was hurt. The rest of the year I would cut myself every night. When I turned 11 I was in 5th grade and that year I got in many fights. I also moved when my dad abandoned my mom for another girl. My mom dated another guy, another state, another school. At that school I got in a fight and I also got a girl to like me. We hung out and one day someone finally asked, "What's wrong" I showed her my scars and she went and told everyone. Now I moved back and my best friend moved away my 2nd best friend moved away and I was left by myself. In 6th grade this year I am about to move to another school. I have not cut myself for 2 weeks and I cry every night waiting and dying for help. I try sometimes to get help, but I am to scared. Scared they will look at me another way, crazy, stupid, idiot, retard. I'm still depressed and instead of cutting I turn on really the coldest or hottest water there is and take it all over my body feeling pain. The only place I have in this world is drawing. I express my true emotions in my drawing and or paintings. Demons, sad, depressed and people ask me everyday, "What's wrong?" All I have to say now is stop cutting find another way from cold to hot. Hold an ice cube in your hand till it melts to a liquid, Just find another way.

• by Brittany
• 10 years ago

I started cutting at age 13 for almost 9 years. I'm 23 and haven't cut for almost 3 years now. I really miss it and am thinking of doing it again. I'm depressed and on top of it, I'm bipolar and suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I can honestly say that I can't see things getting better for me. Even though I've tried, things go down hill and I feel like a failure. I don't know what to do other than seeing my psychologist and psychiatrist, and keep taking my meds. Which haven't really helped lately no matter the increase in dosage. All I can say is I totally feel for this poet and hope they find happiness in whatever.

• by Victoria Wainscott, Orting
• 10 years ago

I turn 20 on April 20th. I've been a cutter for a long time. I have scars on my arms, shoulder, stomach, sides, and thighs. I started cutting 8/9th grade, when my parents went through my MySpace page and saw that I was Bi. More like Bi curious. They forced me to delete my account, and then lectured me and brow beat me with the Bible for over an hour. My mom was worried about what their church and friends would think to really care what their words were doing to me. My dad ended the conversation by telling me I'm an embarrassment to the family. I have never forgotten those words. Since then I've become the lightning rod of the family. When I was almost 18, they discovered I had a girlfriend, and tried forcing me to break up with her and never see her again. She ended up leaving me on Valentine's Day. Every time they saw my cuts, they yelled at me, made me feel worse. They sent me to a counselor the first time they saw. They have kicked me out once already for being gay. I'm moving out here in May to live with my beautiful girlfriend, 130+ miles away. I will marry her. And if they won't attend our fabulous gay wedding, well....it isn't blood that makes a family, love is. And it's their loss. My grandpa has stage four aggressive pancreatic cancer and so does my only friend, my best and closest friend for more than a year. I'm struggling to ignore the blades calling my name. On top of other insecurities.

• by Mercedes
• 10 years ago

I am 13 almost 14 and have been cutting for almost 3 years now. This is because my family calls me names and I get bullied and several other reasons. I've tried to stop but I just can't, but I love this poem it reminds me so much of my life. Thank you to whoever made this poem.

• by Brisbane, Australia
• 11 years ago

I'm 15 and I've been cutting since I was about 13. I needed something to almost immediately stop the pain for me. I watched a few TV shows and Movies...so many girls going through the same thing as me were feeling a sense of relief due to this..so why shouldn't I? I'm hurting, I'm broken, I feel alone..so I did it..now I'm addicted to the blade and the lighter, I don't tell people because I don't want to be judged on the way I deal with my pain because it is so different to so many other people. I wish someone would understand how I feel and where my opinion is needed. I have a voice and I would like to be heard.

• by Carissa, Minnesota
• 11 years ago

I was 5 when things started going down hill, that's when I found my brother hanging himself trying to kill himself. When I was 7 my parents got a divorce I watched my dad get arrested the day they got the divorce. I had to take care of my mom since I was 7, her being drunk all the time her not wanting to cook, to everything. She lied to me and told me a lot of things that aren't true. When I started living at my dads more my dog died and I saw her get hit by my bus, I held her as she took her last breath. I started cutting when I was 9. Then 2 years ago I got put in treatment for suicide attempt. That's not all of my story but it's some. And I still cut to this day

• by Tim Hardy La Plata Maryland
• 11 years ago

I have only been on this earth 12 years and I know life is cruel I live an average life yet its painful
I try to get through but its to hard so I started cutting myself with a sharp SHARP pencil. I cant go on with this anymore the few things keeping me alive is my gf and my pride I have now been going from a hasty young happy fun person and now I feel like a dark emoish person my advise is that you should never start if your not sure I was and now I'm addicted to it so don't if you don't want to more then once ok people!

• by Charlie
• 11 years ago

I feel this way to, having to carry a load bigger than you are....I appreciate the poem ' good to know we're never alone

• by Jade, Florida
• 11 years ago

Your poem touched me deeply, I started cutting in 4th grade due to bullying. I'm 11 right now, and was clean for almost a month, but started going through withdrawals and started shaking. I'm still bullied, being told to go get hit by a truck, go kill yourself, called a whore, slut and others. My mom knows about me being bullied and addiction, but she called me not right in the head when she walked in on me, and she keeps saying I'll end up like my friend who tried to commit suicide 2 months ago. I tell her I won't, but deep down I know I will, and she knows that too. But why should she care, she beats me, calls me insane, and yet she cares? Says she loves me but wouldn't tell the school about me being bulled, and my dad is just a plain drinker who hurts his kids and says he grew up with noting, when he lived in a 2 story building. They hate me, I barely have anything and my brother Jason gets almost ANYTHING he wants. But if he doesn't like it he'll just curse at you and punch you, my family takes things for granted, and I don't.

• by Amethyst
• 11 years ago

I am 11 and I have been cutting for a few months I love the cold blade against my skin. I started because I am bullied, moving away from family and friends my best friend who is my crush and he is dating my ex friend. I want to stop for 2 reasons my friend saw my scars and said to stop, and my 4 year old niece almost caught me would have if I did not hide it (already cut when she walked in) But I do not know if I can.

• by Michelle
• 11 years ago

This poem made me cry because I feel this way. I don't want to cut but I don't want to let go of the knife. I want to feel the pain everywhere on my skin not just because I want to forget about the pain inside but also because I feel like I deserve to hurt coz everything I do I f**k it up and make everyone feel worse

• by Nellie
• 12 years ago

I'm 13 and I find myself with something sharp pressing down against my arm but I don't seem to cut (thank god) I just scratch myself till I bleed and this poem really speaks to me.

• by Rey, Texas
• 12 years ago

I don't remember how it started, but I do remember the sharp blade on my skin the pain in mind and the blood on my hands. It happened when I was sixteen and all I could think about was how good it felt and how it made me feel and it was at that moment that I was addicted to the blood, the pain, and the emotions. I am currently nineteen and still cut myself because....well I've honestly forgotten the reason. My addiction caused me to lose my fiancé and for some reason I just continue to drag the blade across my skin and watch blood flow. At times I resist, but other times the feeling is too great. I don't know how long my addiction will last, but truthfully I don't want to give it up.

• by Michelle
• 12 years ago

I started to cut when I turned thirteen, I don't remembers how I started I just know why I started to cut myself because of all the fights
My parents would have every day. The worst part is that they would put me in the middle of their problems. Every time I would defend my mom and my dad hated that now he tells me that I'm not his daughter and that I should defend him and that I should stop be weak. He doesn't support anything I do my mom soon found out that I cut he told me things would change but they just got worse. I wanted to stop but I couldn't.

• by Kaylinn
• 12 years ago

I have been a cutter every since I was 8 years old I stopped eating when I was 12 because bullies at school would pick on me. I was not fat at all but they called me tubby all the time it hurt me. so I started feeling fat and that's when I stopped eating. I withdraw myself from everyone I also never talked anymore and the past year I tried to choke myself with my head phones at school. I am in counseling and will be in counseling for a long time. It is helping me but I do not want to give cutting up it helps me cope it may not be the right way to cope with my pain but I endure it and I like how it looks feels. I have been bullied all my life and for a long time I did not have any friends now I have at least 400 friends but I usually don't talk to them all. The only one I really talk to is my friend Jamie. But, I will say that I believe cutting is not the best way to deal with your problems but for me it helps!

• by Jessica, Washington
• 12 years ago

I started cutting 3 years ago when my mom or dad ask what the cuts on my arms are I say the dog or cat did it and for some reason they believe me. Cutting frees me. I go from being mad or sad to being happy but it only lasts a week maybe two if I'm lucky then I have to cut again and when I do I'm free and everything in my life seems good for a little while. None of my family or friends know I cut and I don't want them to. I just hope that one day all the sadness I feel all the time goes away because my life I really hope it gets better.

• by Mari, Idaho
• 12 years ago

I started cutting because I wanted the pain.... but then a good friend introduced me to the butterfly project and I haven't been cutting for a month ...... I miss the cutting sometimes but just look at the butterfly on my wrist and I know that I can live through it ......

• by Josh, Colorado
• 12 years ago

I am a 13 years old and started cutting at 12.
I don't like doing it, but it is very addictive.
I cant stop. It is like getting high.
Nothing matters when I do it, not life, not people, not anything.
I have a lot of scars, 30 or more.
IT takes all of my worries & pains away

• by Jade, Beverly Hills Fl
• 12 years ago

I started cutting my self when my dad hit my mom, brother and me at 5 years old, when we moved from my old school to Central Ridge, my life felt like hell. Every one made fun of me, two of my friends moved while one left me like a piece of trash on the side of the road, and my brother made fun of me. I have tried every thing The Butterfly Project, Hopeline.com I can't even name them all. I am now 11 years old. I'm scared to tell anybody about my addiction because of people who are trying to hurt me. I cant even trust anybody to help stop my addiction. I have tried to stop but cant. I love your poem by the way.<3

• by Jene
• 12 years ago

My name is Jen. I am 15. I am a recovering cutter. I was a victim of abuse for many years by my dad and I don't really want to go into detail but lets just say he is a horrible person who deserves to rot in hell. It started almost 3 years ago and I cut off and on but it never got to bad. It wasn't very often and it was never to deep but one day everything changed. I ran away from my dad and told everyone what was going on. This should be empowering and it was but it also meant that I couldn't pretend my feelings away anymore. The cutting got a lot worse. I would even take a blade to school because I couldn't stand those few hours without cutting. One day I slipped up. I cut myself deep, really deep, scary deep. It took hours for the bleeding to stop and I still have a really big scar. I thought I was going to die. This scared me into stopping. I'm ok now or at least I'm more ok then I was. I can't tell you I've never slipped up because I have but I'm staying strong and I'm working on it. To any of you out there that are cutting I just want to say that I know it helps and I know it doesn't seem like a bad thing or a destructive thing yet but it will and please realize that now before it's too late.

• by Geety, New York
• 12 years ago

Hi, I'm 14.
I'm not the best student in school, but my parents are very tough. They expect the best from me, and it's so high I can't even reach what they want me to do.
On Friday, I got my report card back, and I failed one class by 2 points.
My parents were completely disappointed, just like I thought.
They didn't lecture me.
They did the worst thing:
Give me the silent treatment.
I got really upset and felt hopeless and stuff, and I've wanted to cut before but I was somehow able to resist that urge, but this time, I couldn't.
It's not very deep, I just scratch the blade of a scissor into my skin and leave it for a few seconds, usually 20-40 and I let go. I don't want to tell anyone, though. I just started 4 days ago, and already have at least 20 scars. 2 on my legs, one on my stomach, the rest on my arms. I know it'll only get worse, but it kind of makes me feel better. For know.

• by Canada
• 12 years ago

Hi I'm 14 and started cutting last year around this time... I have been bullied lots and lost any friends I had. I felt like nobody cared about me so I turned to cutting. There were people I knew who cut and showed me their scars... When I first tried it, it felt pretty good but afterwards I was so ashamed of myself. I told myself I'd never ever do I again. But I was wrong since I still do it... Cutting is a bad addiction... An addiction that I've found overtime will only get worse. I told some people but they just tell everyone and leave me to go cut more. None of my family knows and I still feel hopeless. I haven't attempted suicide but have come very close. I hope my story can help others that are thinking of cutting... Never cut... Once you start it feels impossible to stop.

• by Casey
• 12 years ago

Hi, I'm 16 and I haven't been cutting long. I won't do it deep though, because I know my parents know about it. But cutting makes me forget about the way others treat me and how my parents don't give a sh*t about me

• by Jeff, U.K
• 12 years ago

This poem relates perfectly to my life.. I'm 16 and have been cutting for 2 years.. I only recently stopped but the temptation to still do it is strong. I started cutting because I felt that nobody cared about me and that everyone just hated me and I always felt alone even when I was with friends... My parents eventually found out about my cutting and made me promise to stop... So I started smoking and getting drunk every weekend to replace cutting.. I just wish this depression will go away and that I could be free.. I strongly suggest you don't start cutting yourself because once you start you won't be able to stop..

• by Katrina, PA
• 13 years ago

I am currently 27 I have been cutting myself since I was 12. It's not easy to stop and I encourage anyone who starts to seek help before it becomes an addiction like mine. There was a time in my life when I would do it through out the day just to get thru that day. It was the only thing that comforted me. But now since I am 27 and still can't seem to stop I am going for help. It seems to be working but it does take time. Get help it's out there and good luck to all who want it.

• by Miranda, Appleton
• 13 years ago

I am now 15 years old but I have been cutting and burning since 5th grade. My childhood was so messed up I didn't really have one. From the age of 3-12 I was sexually abused by my older cousin and brother. I have tried multiple times to quit cutting but it's too hard it's an addiction. I have thrown away my razors but I always end up with more. Most of my friends have found out and when they see that I have cut again most of them hit me. Some of my family knows I cut. I have been to the hospital and I have scars all over. The most recent time that I cut was last night.

• by Lc
• 13 years ago

I'm 12 and I cut.
It DOES feel like freedom when I do it.
It's like a breather.
I've cut 3 times and I feel like I'm becoming addicted.
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE.

• by New Jersey
• 13 years ago

I started cutting myself this year because I'm weak and I feel worthless all the time. I don't know how to stop, but I don't want to because the pain feels so good and it relieves so much stress. I really can't be like this but I love it. I wish I was not on earth and in heaven. I wish I was dead sometimes because my dad makes me feel worthless when he drinks and my manager at work makes me want to cut myself even more. I don't know what to do! I see a therapist to help my anger but it doesn't seem to help.

• by Florida
• 13 years ago

I once cut myself I was lost and didn't have nobody to talk to...I don't really know what happened, it just did but it's been over five months since I stopped and I feel great.
You just need some self confidence you're the one who's doing it you're the one who can stop it, trust me.
This poem makes me think about me.....

• by Rory, New York
• 13 years ago

I started cutting when I was 11, currently I'm 18. I have a perfect Boyfriend, a great family, and wonderful friends, but whenever the topic of depression appears, I hide how I really feel. The reason I cut is because when I was 11 my grandfather died, he was like a father to me. He was very important to me and when be passed away I didn't know what to do. I did it a number of times and then I realized that I had to hide it. I stopped for a year or so. But when I was 13 I was raped by my ex-boyfriend. That was my trigger that started my addiction. I would cut myself to try to escape the pain. Both physical and mental pain. I was always lying to people and trying to hide it. That didn't stop me though. I began having nightmares and cutting would help me forget about them. I still have these nightmares. I want to cut but know that if I do my boyfriend would be disappointed in me so I have been clean for almost three months but I still crave the release. I'm in my first semester of college and there is so much work and cutting would be such an easy escape.

• by Sarah
• 13 years ago

This poem means a lot to me. I started cutting when I was 13. It all started when my boyfriend broke up with me. We ended up getting back together time and time again. And each time we got back together it got worse. I dated other people between each time and I would always go back to the thoughts of him. I kept doing it into my first year of high school. I finally realized that cutting was not the answer. I have now thrown away my razor and I have not cut in over 4 months. I have a wonderful boyfriend who keeps me from cutting. I now help my other friends when they think that cutting is their only option. I have the scars on my arms to remind me of the horrible things I did to myself. And I have promised to my boyfriend and myself that I will never cut again.

• by Kristy, Indiana
• 13 years ago

hello. I am 16 years old. I started cutting roughly three years ago. Before I started cutting, I thought that by writing poems and stories would help me, but that just made everything worse for me. I saw that my best friend cut and she said it helped her so I tried it. It worked for me. Now three years later I still cut, but I have managed to hide all of my scars from my family and friends. No I don't wear long sleeve shirts, I just wear a lot of bracelets on my wrists. my reason for cutting is because of my emotional abuse. I'm always told that I'm ugly and over weight, and things like that. I put a smile on my face daily so no one knows how I really feel. There are so many scars, so many tears was shed. I just wish I could stop, but I cant. ='(

• by Jessica
• 13 years ago

Hi, My name is Jessica, I started cutting when I was 9, I had seen it in a movie ... I have been in and out of hospitals since I was 12, I hate it, it's an addiction stronger then drugs, I quit drugs but I can't stop cutting.. I love it, the rush, the numbness, the pain... I have cut myself over 1000 times, I have scar up both arms and legs.. I hate it, I cut because I was raped, by multiple people and I didn't want to live anymore, not even my parent know that.. I started smoking pot and drinking and smoking cigarettes at age 12, I hated that so I cut myself, sometimes I look ay my scars and I hate then so I cut, I love the emotionless state that you feel after you cut.. once I start I can't stop. I left school because my whole life I have been harassed and made fun of, beaten and stuff.. I don't wanna deal with this anymore. It's not worth it to me.. I hate my life and what I have become, I sleep with guys everyday just to feel loved, then I go home and cut myself cuz I feel worthless, I don't want anyone to feel this way..

• by Hali, California
• 13 years ago

Hi, I'm 14 and have been cutting for 2 years. I have tried to stop many times but I just can't. I feel like when I cut all my emotional pain just slowly goes away. I feel like cutting and burning is the only pain I can control. I can't control my life and the emotional pain from it, but I can control the physical pain. I once told my mom about it about 7 months ago. She thinks I stopped, and I did for a while. It was just so hard to. I was always tempted so I just had to cut again. I'm not happy that I cut but it's addicting. I admit that I am addicted but I don't know how to stop:(

• by Jessica California
• 13 years ago

This poem touched my heart!
I'm 13 years old and I started cutting a year ago. My teachers told me to stop because I was an incredible student and I shouldn't be doing this. I didn't listen. My friends beg me to stop, but I don't care. It's a way to get out the sorrow, so how can I stop? It is very addicting and sometimes I want to stop.

• by Jaimee
• 13 years ago

this poem touched me hard out!
I'm 13 an a cutter to, I haven't in a while, but I hate the scars they're horrid an disgusting, but I gotta agree it's addicting though

• by Hurting, Co
• 13 years ago

I'm 12 and I started cutting last year. My friend told me she cuts so I wanted to try it. For some reason it made me feel better about all the things going on in my life. As I went into 6th grade I cut more and more. I had better reasons to get something sharp and slit my wrists, people I thought were my friends, bullies, and the fact that I had no one to talk to. my mom does not know but I'm trying to stop it's just so hard.

• by Christina, Texas
• 13 years ago

my name is Christina and I've been dealing with cutting for three years. I am now 16 and it just won't go away. I cut all over. I cut on my legs, wrists, and sometimes my chest. I hide it from my mom but I really want her to find out. My favorite aunt in the world was murdered last year by her husband.. She was like a mom to me. Then my dad passed from cancer 6 months ago. I just feel anxious all the time and cutting gives me a huge release. I'm not going to lie though... It has made me even more depressed. I've tried to stop but it's a disease that doesn't want to go away. It doesn't help with anything really. It gives you a temporary relief that becomes addicting. I really want to stop but I don't know how to. I'm scared my mom will look at me funny. Everyone already looks at me like I'm a freak. I had a boyfriend but I broke up with him because I was constantly worried about if he was cheating. Cutting has caused nothing but problems but it just won't go away! :(

• by Noora, California
• 13 years ago

and here I thought I was alone... its like the poem described almost exactly what I'm struggling through.
I always think its behind me, but somehow it creeps back up. its like I can't get rid of it.
I just need help but I'm scared to ask for it.
thank you for writing this poem and having it accessible to people no matter where they are in the world.

• by Kayla Kolbe
• 13 years ago

my names kayla I'm 20 yrs old and I started cutting when I was 15 yrs old. I have not cut in about 4 months but the temptations are there. I have overdosed numerous times and right now my urge to overdose and hide is huge. I'm called the retard in my family and it hurts terribly. I don't understand why my childhood was the way it was but I want to thank you for this poem now I know I may feel alone, very alone but I'm not.

• by Brittany, Sydney.
• 13 years ago

This poem really relates to me. . . It took the words out of my mouth I just wish I could tell everybody that I'm addicted to cutting but I'm scared they will not look at me the same. I'm 13 pregnant, my grandfather just died, and my boyfriend dumped me, so I started to cut myself but I was depressed he is dating my bestfriend. . And the first time I did it, it felt good.

• by Justes, United States
• 13 years ago

I'm 12 and I started cutting my arms in the summer of 2010. My mom is making me go to therapy because of it and my boyfriend won't talk to me in public because of it. And he doesn't like the fact that I'm still doing it. So a bit of advice to anyone on this site who doesn't... DON'T!!!

• by Fangs, WA
• 13 years ago

I cut. It started when I was 13, well I'm still 13. But when my grandpa passed away, it got worse after my grandma passed about 5 months after him. I have asked for help from my friend (a recovered cutter) and all she does is slap me, which if your a cutter all it does is want you to cut more. But I have tried to stop about 20+ times and it still comes back. One time I threw my blades out in the dirt but the next day, I literally went out and dug in the dirt for them. I found 2. I consider myself an addict to it, and I have diagnosed myself with depression. I know most people can't be for sure if they have depression, but I know for sure that, that is where I have slipped in.

• by Josh, Canada
• 13 years ago

I haven't cut long a year about on and off, but I just can't get read of it. I can't stop no matter what I try. I threw all sharp objects close to me away then I found a pencil sharpener, the simplest thing to take apart. I thought I was through now I don't go anywhere without that sharpener. I just makes me so damn mad. I don't even have a serous problem a little exclusion sometimes and depression, but nothing huge to start me off. I just started one day and never could let it go.

• by Melissa, Maryland
• 13 years ago

I'm 16, and have been a cutter since 7th grade. So around 12, 13 years old I started. I've always been on the chubby side, and everyday I have to hear about it. In school, and at home. And I act like it doesn't effect me, but when I get home its a whole different story. I cry just about everyday, about my life and all me problems. I know I need to stop cutting, but whenever something starts to go wrong, that's my first solution. I've been to counseling, but that didn't help. This poem describes my life so perfectly, and I'm glad I'm not alone.

• by Zaedra, Missouri
• 13 years ago

That is a beautiful poem.
I have cut since I was 13. I am now going to turn 15. My parents aren't divorced but they hate each other and that's worse because they are always fighting and in a bad mood. Mom is verbally abusive. She'll get really mad and hit me or my younger brother. She is always telling me how hateful, stupid, and abusive I am. Dad is always at work and when he's at home he just yells or sleeps. Mom found out about my cutting and got really mad. The only person I have told was my bestfriend. She was really understanding. I know should stop but I can't. The longest I've ever gone was 2 weeks. I don't want to do this anymore. I have so many scars and am so paranoid that someone will see them.

• by Deion, Georgia
• 13 years ago

This story I connect to it perfectly. I started to cut myself when I was 12. I had a bad life when I was growing up. I was the fat kid still am, but back then growing up as a kid being overweight I mean it was bad enough that the kids at school picked on you but hearing this stuff coming from your family just makes it worse make you wanna die. I mean I would tell myself I'm going to kill myself in the morning but when I get to it, I panic and I just can't do it, so when I turned 12 in the 6 grade I borrowed my teachers sharpest pair of scissors she had and I'd ask to go to the bathroom a lil later and I would cut myself just to take away the pain' I still do it to this day why? because my body hasn't changed I'm still fat and my parents talk about it like it doesn't affect me. I'm now 17 I will be turning 18 June 1st so then I'll know for sure they won't care about me, just hope I can lose this weight so I won't be offended every time someone talks about weight just need some help ;[ someone I know will help me

• by Carolyn
• 13 years ago

I started cutting when I was 12. I had a messed up life. my mom died when I was 6 months old. Plus one of my ex-boyfriend was very abusive and always hit me repeatedly. My friends always want me to stop but I can't its really hard and I don't know if I will ever able to. None of my family knows, not like they would care I mean they would rather have me dead than be their daughter. But this is the only way I could leave this sick cruel world.

• by Alex, Hawaii
• 13 years ago

I am 13 I started to cut after I had to sit and watch my mother die knowing I couldn't do anything. I couldn't stop cutting I felt it was the only way out. After my mom died my dad started to get drunk and beat me that drove me to cut deeper. Then one night one of his friends came over with the scent of whisky on his breath he broke into my room and raped me. I felt so scared I grabbed my razor and cut the deepest I had ever gone. I woke up the next morning in the hospital with my boyfriend sleeping by my bedside he told me he had found me I had gone to far so he called 911 and rushed me to the hospital since then I have rarely cut.

• by Jacque
• 13 years ago

I'm 15, I started cutting when I was 13, I was treated bad by people at school, I got called fat, ugly, and I got called a cow. everyday of my life. I couldn't take it so I started cutting, I haven't been happy in a long time, I try so hard not to cut, but its addicting. its like a kid with candy they want more and more, I want to stop but my life is a living hell, I feel so alone I this world even though there are the bestfriends around me, I wish I could smoke weed, I've been thinking bout that a lot, I just wanna be happy And I don't know what to do anymore...

• by Brittney
• 13 years ago

I started cutting my at 16. I will be turning 19 this month. I can't stop It like a drug. I use to smoke weed everyday and that was my way out of my life and my problems. Yesterday was the first time in a couple month where I relapsed and I was so mad at myself and depressed that I grabbed my knife. I just started taking Celexa from my depression a week ago. And they said that when you first start taking it that you will feel worse. I think that is why I haven't eaten in days and started back up! After I get out of school and my friend gets off of work he is going to hang with me. I haven't told him yet but he does the same thing. He has cut before to, not as bad as me. But I know he can help me a lot! I can't wait to see him so he can't help me! he is my crutch that I need to get better!

• by Sarnia, Ontario
• 13 years ago

I am 13 years old and I watch my mother and her boyfriend fight all the time and it is very hard on me because my dad has passed away just a couple of years ago and it is still very painful to talk about it. So every time they fight I always cut myself and I am not proud of it. One day my mom found the blades I was cutting myself with and questioned me about it so I told her why I did it and if it hurts me and if I wanted to stop and I didn't stop I still did it till one day one of my friends found out and they made me stop they took everything I had that was sharp so I finally stopped

• by Monster Bunny
• 13 years ago

This poem is amazing it's my favorite I cut myself to but I've gotten my self to stop for three months and it just comes back I've been through therapy and stuff I've thrown away razors and knives but it doesn't help my friends have tried to stop me but I cant music calms me down but it doesn't prevent it I've tried smoking instead of cutting and pain pills but it doesn't replace the feeling of the blade on my skin I wanted to thank Cassandra Johnson for writing this poem and I'll keep trying to stop because I wanna be free to.

• by Crystal
• 13 years ago

This made me cry, it's so beautiful yet so sad. I've cut myself for a little over a year, and I've had to go to the hospital 8 times. This poem describes exactly how I feel.

• by Ariel
• 13 years ago

I am 13 years old and I have been cutting for 3 years now. I feel its so hard to stop and this poem tells of a true story. People say I cut to get attention when actually I do it because my life is MISERABLE! but no one understand all the pain I go through.. I wear glasses and have curly hair..and everyday I go to school I'm called the "poodle". And I hate it!!! and I wanna stop cutting but its to hard..my life seems as if it's controlled by cutting

• by Karrie
• 13 years ago

I'm 16 this poems says exactly how I feel. I haven't been cutting for to long but it seems to take over my life. It makes me feel so guilty. I told my some of my very close friends. but now they just treat me different and I just cant take it any more. The more I cut the more I get mad at myself but its so aggravating. I just cant help it idk what to do.

• by Tara
• 13 years ago

I'm am 15 years old, and I started cutting when I was 8 yrs old. I have been through a lot in the past 4-5 years including: my parents divorce which ended badly, my mom leaving me when I really needed her the most, my moms ex boyfriend abusing her, my dad remarrying, my life has just been hell. In addition to starting to cut I have also started drinking, and I have tried smoking. cutting is the only thing that I can hide from my parents especially when I do it on my thighs. I too have wanted to stop but I can't. The very few friends that I have told keep telling me its not healthy it's not right it's stupid. don't you think I that...but telling me is not going to stop me. It's like a drug you try it once and instantly you are addicted. and you can't and won't stop coz it helps you to much...

• by Anna, Washington
• 13 years ago

This poem hit very close to home, but it was reading all the other stories of people going through the same thing as me that literally makes my heart ache. I am 13 years old, and have been cutting since I was 11. It started for a mixture of reasons; but mostly because my mother started dating this horrible guy (who she's still with) that would hit my brother and I, and when we told our mom, she started verbally and emotionally abusing us. That was when I started cutting, with knives, pins, razors, any sharp object I could get my hands on. Until that point I had also been overweight, but started starving myself (as well as cutting) to soothe myself and try to gain some control, over my life and bipolar. To this day I still cut, and have tried time again time to stop, yet always mindlessly do it again. NOBODY knows I do this, and I'm terrified to find help or tell anyone, but at least this poem has given me the comfort in knowing I'm not alone... To the writer: Thank you, so much.

• by Fay, Athens
• 13 years ago

I'm barely 13 and a cutter. I tried cutting once, out of pure hatred towards my very existence, and it slowly grew into an addiction. I have not cut in a week, and I think I may be finding the strength to quit this self-destructive activity. I do not want to lead a life of misery with a life-long habit of slitting my wrists. I advise anyone out there who is willing to try for curiosity purposes not to - cutting is a serious self-mutilation disorder that consists of nothing beneficial.

• by Belladonna Cadaver
• 13 years ago

I'm a Christian and a cutter. I am ashamed of that so much that I cannot even stand to look myself in the mirror. It hurts to know that the only way I can escape my demons of pain is by creating some demons of my own. This poem touched me to the core of my soul. I have been trying to stop but it seems like whenever I let go of that piece of broken glass, my world starts to tilt. I hate that feeling. The only way I can prevent myself from feeling the pain of the wounds inflicted on me by others is by inflicting my own pain.

• by Bree, Arizona
• 13 years ago

I started cutting when I was 9 my mom has been married three times and the most recent one is literally from hell. He hits me and slaps me he calls me names says I'm not worth anything and he has hurt me many more times. I started cutting after I learned from a friend and it seems to help a lot but then I have "friends" who look at me like I'm disgusting and they don't even want to be near me and for some reason I still can't stop but this poem is amazing and you are an amazing writer.

• by Rachel, Minnesota
• 13 years ago

omg I can totally relate to this poem, especially the part of wanting to stop and can for a little bit but not for long. this poem is amazing. I hate to admit that I still do but I just can't deal with my stuff the same way everyone else can so I do this instead and it makes me feel better in that moment. but I just wanted to say I like your poem.

• by Gabrielle, Oregon
• 13 years ago

I cut myself because I feel very insecure inside. I am 14 years old and I have moved schools 12 times. I miss all my old friends and now I have to deal with new ones. People make fun of me because I'm overweight a bit. It's a madhouse in my mind, and this poem is so true. The pain IS addicting.

• by Lorie, Florida
• 13 years ago

I'm 16. I've been cutting since the age of 12. It has been an on and off thing, but no matter what, when the light turns off it always turns back on again. I can't stop. I won't stop. A lot of the time I don't want to stop. A lot of the time I just don't care. I like the pain, and I enjoy the feeling. It's like a certain high, even though I've never done drugs. It somehow gets rid of the pain, or at least puts the pain at some type of ease. It's my sanity, even though quite a few people will disagree. It's my control, even though some say it shows just how out of control I really am, but I don't care what they say. I won't stop. It's mine, even though people say I can't have ownership of it, but again, I don't care what they say. It's mine... My control, my sanity... It's me.

• by Mikala
• 13 years ago

I am 14 and started cutting the day after my 13th birthday. it was how I felt better, but this poem makes me want to stop. I really want to, but I don't know if I can. I hope that I will one day be able to.

• by Bianca
• 13 years ago

I'm 14 turning 15 years old I have been cutting my self for 3 years now and no one in my family knows I do it only my close friend does. I started cutting myself when my dad made me go to England to meet his new wife when I went there his new wife hit me and called me names but when I told my dad he didn't believe me so she kept doing it. Then I moved back to Australia and live with my mum but when I got here I started cutting myself a lot because of school and my boyfriend me and him was going for 6 months and me and him were close but he raped me and I try to stop but I don't think I can

• by Dev
• 13 years ago

I'm 15, I started cutting when I was 13 to feel something else besides sadness. I wanted to feel the pain in hopes that maybe it would help me feel happy again. but as time went on it didn't help I would do it more and more every time testing myself to see how deep I could cut. I finally stopped cutting but when something went wrong I would start again. its been 3 months and I haven't cut, but I think about cutting every day I just so badly want to pick up the razor and feel the cold metal go across my wrist. I wish the thoughts would go and I wish I was happy again but right now I know that its not going to happen. I hope that I can work out everything that makes me want to cut and that maybe the thoughts will go away, that someday I will be able to actually look someone in the eye and mean I'm fine and give them a real smile and not a fake smile. to be able to admit to myself that I'm not addicted to cutting anymore.

• by Sami, Wisconsin
• 13 years ago

I am 16 going on 17 and I started cutting when I was in my 8th grade year when I met my boyfriend he helped me stop cutting but then I got really depressed a couple months back and I cut my wrist on the main vain and almost died since then I have not cut it has been 3 months since I last cut.

• by Karlah, Rio
• 13 years ago

I started cutting when I was in 8th grade (I'm a Jr. in High School now) & to me it was the only way I could control my pain. I started cutting because my parents would always fight & somehow everything would be blamed on me. I cut drastically when I was a freshman because "the one" broke my heart when he got my cousin pregnant. No one knew about it, but when I told my ex-boyfriend sophomore year, now best friend, he cried & I've never seen a guy cry. He made me talk to a counselor but I didn't. He made me promise I would NEVER do it again, I could never make a promise I knew I would break. Since I moved I've been cutting more and more. I have no one to turnto and when I tried explaining my problem to one of my friends I had her read this poem. It gets to us every time. I'm not saying this made me feel not alone, but it helps me understand that there are other people who feel the same as me.

• by Kk
• 13 years ago

I really liked this poem as I can relate to it. I mainly started about 2 years ago. Now I am 17, I have an x carved into the top of my hand, several slice marks on the sides of my wrists and two larger scars across the main part of my wrist. I don't do it as often as I used to because its hard to hide from family. I think I started because I felt invisible and hated and the problems in my life were too much! I hope that maybe people would see and feel bad for me, and those who didn't love me back would feel responsible but it only scares people.

• by Crystal
• 13 years ago

I'm 15. I started cutting myself when I was 13. One day I tried it & I didn't like it, but more things kept happening & I cut more & I liked the feeling. At that time I didn't have any true friends, so nobody cared. One day, I said hi to a girl I hated in 6 grade. We started talking & we became a lot closer. I never told her I cut myself, until she told me she did to. We started talking about it & we showed each other the scars. She had more than I did. We made a promise that over the summer neither of us would do it anymore. I didn't until about August, she did it a few days before I did. I was proud of myself for going that long, so when I did it I felt horrible. This year, were still best friends :) I also met a guy I really liked, who I'm now dating. When he figured out I cut, he was sad. About 2 months ago, I did it over 100 times in a week. When he saw that he showed my best friend and they took away my razors. I'm proud to say that I haven't cut since, I've found people that care.

• by Reba
• 13 years ago

I'm 17. I started cutting on my 13th birthday. I've tried to kill myself 2 times. I have been to 17 short term placements, 2 long term placements, and foster care because my mom couldn't handle me. And yet I can't stop... I went 6 months without cutting and cut myself again last night. I've tried to stop. It is an addiction. Just like drugs. I want to stop... but every time I come close I break down. I don't know what to do.

• by Chablis, Washington State
• 14 years ago

When I was eleven years old, I was teased a lot for being bisexual. My parents were in the middle of splitting up, and the only person I could turn to was my girlfriend at the time. I knew she cut herself when she was depressed, and it ended up influencing me. One day I came home from school to find out she was cheating on me. I shattered a glass rose she had gotten me on the bathroom floor, and used a piece to cut myself.
I cut constantly since then, writing words, and drawing pictures on my arms. January 10, 2010 I cut more than I ever had, and something inside me changed. I made myself a pledge to quit, and I did.
I am getting ready to celebrate my fourteenth birthday in February. I've been strong for eleven months now.
I don't ever plan to cut again, I'm living my life the way I want :) <3

• by Nora
• 14 years ago

I started cutting when I was 13 I felt like no matter how hard I tried to keep by boyfriends, they just vanished faster and faster. The first time I cut was when my boyfriend for 7 months dumped me and I had never felt so alone. When I cut I feel like I don't have that emptiness anymore and I want to quit but I can't. I stopped for a couple of weeks but started again and I don't know what to do. Can any body help me?

• by Anna
• 14 years ago

Hi I am 13 and I started cutting myself this poem helped me a lot I am going to stop. this poem said how I am and will always be feeling.

• by Zack, Michigan
• 14 years ago

I am 17 and I've cut 300+ times...I thought I was a rock, Nothing could break me. Guess not. Right now I am doing a project in school, I chose cutting as my topic. It will be the first time I have let people (other than my close friends) know that I am a cutter. This will be a tough one... I needed a poem for this project and I think I found the one... this project is a hard one. Everyday I hold back tears as I start. to whoever wrote this... cheers.

• by Sarah, New Zealand
• 14 years ago

Wow, this poem amazed me, I'm thirteen nearly fourteen, yes I've cut before, a few times, I have scars. people ask what happened, I say my cat attacked me, they actually believe that, haha. anyway, I hate to see young kids ( 11 or 12 ) say they cut themselves, I stopped, I haven't for about four months, I am so proud and happier than ever, I just had to look over all the stupid things that were making me depressed and realize I'm better of without them anyway. Just because there are a few things that make you sad doesn't mean there aren't a hundred things that make you happy either, live your life, don't sit around cutting yourself. :)

• by Hunter, Canada
• 14 years ago

I'm 15 years old, and I have been cutting myself for 2 years. This started due to rape. I had a very unstable home, and my best friend had raped me. He was the love of my life, and he hurt me. Which triggered it. It was also due to my abuser, and molester, and all of this, on top of my every day struggle just to be myself, made it very difficult for me to be happy, and the only think I could find to make me happy, was to cut myself. To release my pain, to feel in control, and because I blamed myself for many things. This has been a battle for me, ever since that first cut. That one that made me keep on going.. That brought me hope. and now each time I bring out my razor, I dread what I am about to do, but I do it anyways. It's an addiction that only a cutter would understand. Right now, I have over 100 cuts, not scars, cuts. from recent episodes. I feel... terrible about what I did, but it looks and feels so good. My family makes it worse day by day, ever to speak, and be myself..

• by Devin, OK
• 14 years ago

I have been cutting since my freshman year maybe a little bit before. I am currently a junior and I still do. The last time was 3 days ago. It was the first time in months. When I start cutting again I call it a relapse lol. It's not that I'm trying to commit suicide but yet it feels to me that when I can't control anything and I'm constantly getting hurt this is a hurt I can control. I control everything. How, when, where, for how long, how bad, everything and no matter how much it hurts I can say that it doesn't hurt as bad as the other things going on in my life and that makes me feel better. I'm not telling anyone to go out and start cutting but at the same time different people deal with different things their own way and if it's helping them to feel better than who are you to make them stop and make them miserable all over again.

• by Kimberly
• 14 years ago

This poem is like my life I cut 21 times on my arm and two times on my heal and all times it was with a knife and I needed help but no one got me and this poem is really what I felt but I stopped and well I still feel like cutting but I know it's not right and if I do start cutting again then I will read this poem over and over again

• by Kaitlyn
• 14 years ago

This poem really brought tears to my eyes. I'm 12 & I started cutting myself when I was 11. I didn't have a reason to it, I just wanted to try it, but as I got more into it, I started finding different reasons to cut myself & using different things. My mom caught me for the third time last month & she said if she found out I had started it again, I was going to be taken away from her and put in a mental hospital. When I started self-mutilating myself, I didn't think about it causing other people, but myself pain. I never thought I could become addicted so quickly. I think that because I cut so often, three times a day (before & after school then before I went to sleep) and made at least two slices everytime, I liked the feeling more & more. The pain it brings is amazing, but I know it's wrong. I've been clean since the beginning of June & I am proud of myself. I think about it everyday I had something sharp in my hands or see something sharp. I don't want to see anyone make the same mistake.

• by Caitlyn, Phoenix
• 14 years ago

I'm 12, and I just started to cut today, I was about to break the skin but my puppy wanted to play so I played with her. I tried rubber bands but already it doesn't work. Even after that first cut I can't stop. Out here in the desert I can say it was cactus or rocks to my parents.

• by Dae, TX
• 14 years ago

I'm 11 years old about to be 12, and I just starting cutting myself with scissors, and I was wondering if that's even considered cutting? See, the thing is things are only getting worse, my mom might have cancer again and could die. She got cancer when I was 2 and my brother was 13. He ran away for a week and I'm afraid I'll do that or become a whore or a alcoholic or I'll be a druggie or kill myself or a number of things. Beside that things are hard, and I told a few close friends and now they feel uncomfortable around me, and no one would ever guess I felt this way or cut, because all my pain is inside, I haven't cut in 3 days!

• by Bridget, CA
• 14 years ago

I want to stop cutting I really do, my mother now knows and she just wants to help and I want to stop making her and my family unhappy, but my sad feelings just won't go away. I am 12 years old and I relate to this poem, I so much want to be better again.

• by Tara
• 14 years ago

I'm only 11 and I cut my arms up because I'm made fun of because I was in an accident when I was 4 and my toe was cut off. People reject me and make me feel so ugly because of this. In result I cut my arms. Sometimes I want to make something sharp go right through me, but then I realize I have some people who care about me. I struggle on for my family and couple friends. I cry and cry and cry I just keep wondering if things will ever get better.

• by Kylie Mclain
• 14 years ago

I am 14 turning 15. I started cutting when I was 9. My dad did drugs and abused me. Nobody believed me because they all grew up with him. Well since nothing was getting done and nobody would listen I resorted to drinking. After a few weeks that lead to cutting because alcohol wasn't enough anymore. My dad saw it one time and said that he was going to kill me. Finally I ran away and child services got involved and moved me out of the house. The cutting didn't stop. I couldn't think of anything else except for what my dad did to me. After a while I got to meet my mom (I haven't seen her since I was 4). She got me help and well I haven't cut in 2 months or had alcohol

• by Alice
• 14 years ago

I know I'm addicted to cutting and I've tried stopping on so many occasions but it draws me back in and I feel so much better afterward. Most people feel guilty but I don't and I think that is what's making it so difficult for me to quit.

• by Brittany, Michigan
• 14 years ago

when I was young I listened to my boyfriend cut and hurt himself cause what he has gone through I would cry, cry, and cry all night cause of it I know people that do it for fun. he does it cause of troubles at school and changes at home when I call him he tells me he really needs to talk to me and I tell him why and he would say cause I did something that I'm not proud of and he would start to tell me and start to cry in disappointment to himself and when were at church he would show me the scares on his arms I would put my head down and start to cry and I'm as young as young can be I'm only in the 6th grade 12 years old and going through theses experiences I lost my dad when I was 3 and was abused till I was 10 by my stepdad my mom just broke her foot and its been really hard to keep up with life and I've scared myself for things I regret doing and everyday I have to look at them. I almost gave myself staff infection giving myself a eraser burn that is 2 inches long I was depressed

• by Summmmer, Homeroom
• 14 years ago

This poem I can relate too. I haven't cut that many times is Bullshit, when you cut, say that! If you cut once you're gonna do it again and again! I should know. I cut myself. I've gotten help for it, but no matter what it always comes back to haunt me. Yes, it does take my pain away!! But I always say I didn't cut that deep, but one little slice can end my life! and I've been cutting for the longest time. I'm a 15 teen and have been cutting since I've been 11.So yes I am addicted to it, like I'm addicted too ice cream! I'm the only one who can help myself. so I need to stick to what I'm saying and help myself.!

• by Ash
• 14 years ago

I have only cut myself a few times. I told my friend, who used to do it and has now been changed so much and is happy, and he is helping me through it now, showing me it doesn't really help, all you get is marks on your arms. It helps to have someone, even one person, to help you through it all..All these responses and many other poems of the same content have shown me and should show all the others out there, That we are Never alone. Don't feel like your a freak and an outcast because SO many others are going through the same thing. But that doesn't make it right or healthy either. Together we can stop. Just write, run, exercise, talk to someone, get out of the house whenever you feel like hurting yourself. Get your mind off of it, It Helps.

• by Kayla
• 15 years ago

this poem has explained how I feel because I do cut and have scars from it and this is how I feel. its unbelievably the same but I have not stopped yet and I feel so great when I do but the hard part is hiding it from others...I have a great friend of my brothers that I somewhat talk to about it and he tells me to go to counseling but he helps I have many friends helping me but anyway this poem helps explain it so well and I wrote it down so if anyone asks how I feel I can show them this poem...THANXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXs EmocuttingKay

• by jimmerson
• 15 years ago

This is how I feel this person explained perfectly why I cut and sometimes I'm not proud of it but it just makes me feel good \.

• by AmandaPanda
• 15 years ago

It's as if I wrote this poem myself. I can express myself in many ways, through poems, through songs, through my guitar & keyboard but the saddest expression is my cutting. I've cut since I was eleven years old. I've been to many hospitals, treatment centers & in therapy before. The only thing that helped me was MYSELF. I still struggle at the age of nineteen but I'm doing a lot better. I do have many scars but it's just a reminder of what I've been through. One day they might not even phase me.

• by dev
• 15 years ago

I cut now and I do want to stop but I just can't even when I try there have been times when I have actually thrown my blade in the dumpster but somehow I always end up with another one and I don't want to be like this

• by alyssa
• 15 years ago

I'm 14 years old, and when I was 12 I started cutting. It was something I couldn't explain. But basically, was because I didn't feel loved at all, and I felt like some things I went through were never going to end! This poem is awesome and explains exactly how I feel. Wow, its something I'm not proud of, but I can now relate to people and help them as well.

• by Natasha Jordan
• 15 years ago

I had to watch my mother "self mutilate" herself since I was young. I knew it was not right I think the first time I saw her do it I was 8. last time I saw her do it I was around 16/17. I remember when she would get drunk I would find anything sharp I could find in the house and hide it all in my room because I didn't want her to hurt herself! I am now a 27 year old mother of two. I still to this day can not figure my mother out, but to my knowledge she has not done it in a long time. It is a hard thing to see especially as a young child because now we both have permanent scars. And in a way I guess it has made me the person I am today. I am very strong and I forgive and forget like it is second nature. Because as my mom was drunk and dealing with her pain and problems it created A LOT of issues for me to deal with myself. I am SO glad I found this web-site I have SO many poems I have wrote and I am glad I found a place to share them with other poetry lovers as well.

• by Grace Hae Yoo
• 15 years ago

This poem had touched me deeply, because I feel the same pain as this person had. I wanted to be free from the pain that I carry from heart and soul.