Always And Forever

Last night I found exactly what I was looking for, and it made me cry.
I never expected such a large blow to my face, such an ache in my heart.
I bit back the tears that welled in my eyes, sitting here in front of my computer, reading what you had to say.
I'm sorry if I was ever the one who made you cry or ever made you feel the least bit blue.
I really am.
Now that I reminisce about the past, the beginning days of our friendship are not clear to me,
But vivid are the memories I cry to at night, the day you spoke your last words to me.
Maybe if I had known how much I'd miss you in the future, I'd call you back fast and apologize, but I didn't.
Maybe it was my fault that our friendship was torn; maybe it was me who didn't try hard enough.
Maybe it was my sense of pride that held me back from falling to my knees and begging for forgiveness.
If that was the case, there are not enough words I can use to reprimand myself for being too proud, being too bold.
But now that you are gone, that same shame keeps me from calling you
And keeps me from hearing your voice that has haunted my thoughts so many years.
If I had known how many long agonizing nights could have been spared,
I would have bent over backwards, not wanting to miss a single second when you spoke to me.
It's true what people say about not realizing how much you love someone 'till they're gone.
That's exactly what I'm going through right now.
I know that I'm probably too late in telling you all of this,
But the truth is that a secret this big can only be concealed for so long,
And yet I've welled all of this up inside of me for four painful years.
Now that I look back at all the memories we've shared, I regret taking all of them for granted,
For those are the memories that I hold close to me now.
And I know that now you have probably forgotten me
And all that you recognize is a vast memory of who I used to be, but please know this:
I will always and forever keep you close to my heart whenever and wherever I might be.
I don't need an apology, and I don't need a goodbye; I just need to know that you'll be there the day that I die.

This poem is our story... Our life...My love... F.V.