Signs That You Are Old

You find you're getting hairier though not atop your head.
You somehow sustain injuries while sleeping in your bed.
Your arm is not quite long enough to make the fine print clear.
You walk into a room then think - Now why'd I come in here?

You only use your mobile phone to send texts and to talk.
You don't change into workout gear just to take a walk.
You phone in for your takeout and you pick up your own order.
You need your kids to help set up the new HD recorder.

You frequent ATMs so you can have some cash on hand.
You venture to the beach but just to walk along the sand.
Before going somewhere new, you check the parking situation.
Your generation's music now plays on the oldies station.

You type a text one handed using just your index finger.
You'd struggle to identify a top ten song or singer.
When faced with going out at night you'd rather watch TV.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor is a distant memory.

You don't trust direct debit and you still get paper bills.
It's starting to get harder to keep track of all your pills.
You keep forgetting passwords, so you now just have the one.
You're alarmed to find your surgeon looks ridiculously young.

Most things are sagging lower but your waistband's sitting higher.
When scrolling to your year of birth your finger starts to tire.
You no longer feel confident when climbing up a ladder.
A good chunk of your nighttime is spent emptying your bladder.

You miss the end of movies 'cause you can't help nodding off.
You're not sure which is harder, bending down or straightening up.
TV shows are hard to follow because all the actors mumble.
Your friends no longer laugh when you trip or take a tumble.

Instead of squeezing pimples you're now plucking out stray hairs.
Loud music now annoys you but your television blares.
You find yourself declaring things like, "It will outlast me!"
Your doctor recommends you get a colonoscopy.

Regardless of how many of these signs apply to you,
A healthy sense of humour is the key to help you through.
Laughter's the best medicine, life needn't be so bleak.
Just don't laugh too hard in case you spring a little leak!