Laying Here Awake

• by Ema, California
• 10 years ago

I was 7. Raised in a Christian home. My father molested me and my brother every night. My brother killed himself at age 12 because of the pain. I kept holding on but I feel as if parts of me are being torn apart. My mother became a lesbian but stayed with my father for the money. Me and my brother told her but she said there was nothing she could do. She said one day that we would leave and go to a magical place and there would be no more pain. Where is that magical place. I guess she took my brother but not me, My father killed her and her lover. He went to jail for 30 years. I was put in foster care and was switched from house to house my 2nd to last home my new "daddy" raped me every night for two years. He sent me back to foster care after I got pregnant. I currently live with a beautiful family and I love them dearly. I gave birth to my beautiful sin Dec 11. I cut myself sometimes to ease the pain. Now I go to church every Sat and Sunday. I'm only 17 and I wish I had died I strongly encourage girls my age and younger to tell if they are being hurt. ??

• by Judith
• 11 years ago

This story isn't quite like mine - well, everyone's life is unique, but it was about secrecy. I am nearly 70 now, and when my step father tried to abuse me, it was in the kitchen when I washed at night with my mother sitting in the family room next door. Yet I never told her, and she never challenged him. The horrible thing in my case was that my mother started calling me sexually precocious, which she did until I was about 50 when I told her that I had stayed faithful to my husband for all my married life, and I had repelled her husband when he wanted to abuse me. It struck me then that it was the first time that she knew that sex didn't happen. Her response was that "now I have spoiled all of her memories". But she stopped referring to my sexual precociousness from that day onwards. The thing is, I should not only have repelled him but I should have also challenged her at the time, I don't know why I didn't, instead I planned to run away from home, I started planning it aged 11 and ran away on my 15th birthday. I have had a wonderful life, a wonderful career, an amazing husband, three lovely children, but this feeling of not being believed still affects me. But this person is brave enough to do what in effect I didn't do, which is to challenge the whole situation openly in her own mind, because somehow I kept it hidden in mine for far too long. Well done.

• by Missloveable
• 11 years ago

Girls, you guys are stronger than these abusers always remember that, yes they may have hurt you but you still have the power over them. You are all worth it, stand up and fight this pain and sorrow that you feel I know it won't be easy but it will be worth it the same as you are... God never leaves you no matter how alone you may feel. There will always be someone there to talk to and if you don't feel like talking write about it. Don't hold back pain it only makes things worse.

• by Abigail, Georgia
• 11 years ago

That kind of happened to me but for me it was in front of my mom or beside her. She just looked the other way like she never saw or knew nothing and it's very hard getting over stuff like that.

• by Brittany
• 13 years ago

I was Raped by my 19 year old cousin when I was only 6 years old. Now I am 18 years old I still have bad dreams about him some nights I can't even sleep, some times I am too scared to talk to guys, I am even scared to sit by my own dad and brother's becuase of it :(

• by Torre, Coaldale
• 13 years ago

My dear girl, You have the power in this situation, as hopeless as you may feel... let me tell you a secret. No matter the threats or the inner turmoil you feel about telling someone, even a teacher or a friends parents. You have the power. You are worth more than this, You deserve better, You didn't make this happen. You have the power to stop it. It's true your life will be turned upside down for a bit, but its worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT. I was abused for the majority of my life, once I was out of the picture my abuser abused many others... Now I am filled with guilt, cause I had the power to stop him and I was cowardly. Thankfully someone did what I couldn't do. I wish only wonderful things for you, everyday is a gift. You are a gift to this world and you can be what ever you want to be! Best of luck.

• by Alize, CA
• 13 years ago

When I was 12 my grandpa used to live with us and one day when I was sleeping he came into my room and molested me in my sleep. I knew what was happening but I was to afraid to speak so I just laid there while he touched me, then he tried to rape me, so I finally fought back. I will never forget that day he stole my innocence away and I will never be the same, now I cut myself to deal with the pain but the memories will never fade away and now I'm 15 and I still can't get over the pain I felt that day.

• by Shannen
• 14 years ago

that was me as a little girl, now I'm 40 and I'm still extremely messed up from that. It will never leave my thoughts its with me on a daily basis no matter how much I try to forget. My family does not understand the pain and agony that I have endured. I'm hoping one day this will pass until then everyday is gonna be a struggle to go on and pretend I'm alright. I hope that others are stronger than me not to let it ruin there life

• by Maddie
• 14 years ago

Fathers who do that to their daughters should be shot! My father did that to me and I will never ever ever forget it! It's with me forever!

• by Shelly, Louisiana
• 14 years ago

This is so sad. I was that child laying there too, that scream that no one heard. All the things I did to tell that no one noticed. Speak out.... as hard as it is... TELL SOMEONE!! I too say Lord, be with the little ones who endure this pain.

• by Nikki
• 15 years ago

Awww.... I so wish you would tell! My little girl was abused by her father, my husband. It would of taken me forever to find out if she didn't speak out. She thought all of her hints, tales of scary things in her room, and her obvious pain was all it would take for me to know. She was sooo angry because I did not see. She would yell at me I told you and you're not listening! I was so confused by her thinking she told me something! Thank God she finally spoke out! I wish Mom's were equipped with an abuse detector but regretfully we are not. If someone is hurting you tell someone you trust. If you can't say it write it. That is the first step to healing! God be with all of the little children who know such pain.