An Addict I'm Not

• by Susan
• 6 years ago

This poem says it all! My husband started using cocaine heavily 2 years ago. He now smokes crack. We are separated as of this past March. He also sees prostitutes and uses every day. I am a mental mess, but I still love him. He has his own home, plenty of money and will never hit rock bottom. His children, uncle, and friends have given up on him after 2 interventions to no avail. He is a very successful businessman and has managed to keep his 2 businesses running. However, all employees know he's on drugs as he can never be reached, and I can see his one business is going to fail. I just recently decided I have to let him go. My heart has been crushed. My family and friends will not speak to me if I ever take him back. I finally called a therapist for me and am attending my first support group tonight. I am sick right along with him.

• by Grace
• 8 years ago

This is such an accurate description of feelings on the other side of addiction... the one who loves him. Thank you for sharing.

• by Sean Smith, NC
• 9 years ago

I've been in a long distance relationship with someone I've been friends with almost 20 years. We've both been on probation and that's been the reason distance has been such a factor in our lives. She has been clean for over a year. Since she got off probation, drugs have changed her, consumed her, made her stop loving herself and destroyed our relationship, prevented us from being together, and resulted in the abortion of a child that may not even be my own. I've given up alcohol to set an example, and to better both of our lives. Losing what was possibly my child, and a lifelong friend has me contemplating suicide, and searching for a reason to move on with my own life. Addiction destroys lives, equally, including the lives of those who love people in need... I feel helpless to save her. From herself... But how can you help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

• by Elle, Albany Ny
• 9 years ago

I have loved my addict since the first day I met him in 3rd grade, but we've only been together for 3 years. I know his good, his bad, and I see what an amazing man he can be and is. Our only problem is his addiction. He was clean and sober for 3 years but over a year ago he started drinking and a couple months later, the coke started. It's been a constant battle and I fear I'm slowly losing...I love him more than anything and I can't bear to lose him....

• by Alishia
• 10 years ago

All I can say is that I have been there in this position, and yes it can be rough, but you have to be strong enough to stand up and tell the love of your life, what you feel, yes it may feel like your talking to a wall, but believe me, I know it bounces around in their heads, if it means something to them. I have never thought my love of my life would actually go get help, but he did. I am so proud for him doing it by himself.... GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

• by Mrs Beck Florida
• 11 years ago

This poem was very true to me. My husband used to be a crack addict and I was so proud when he walked away since his father never did. However he walked to a new drug pills. We spend at least two hundred dollars a day on narcotics. I have never had an addiction so it is so hard for me to understand it all. All I do know is I will always be his support system. He was checking himself in to a local rehab program and was due for a bed a week ago, but the day before his bed was ready he was arrested for a violation of probation which he was on because he got messed up on Xanax and passed out with his foot on the break in the middle of a parking lot. He violated for driving me to the e.r. My husband is a wonderful caring husband and fantastic father but when he is fiening for pills he is mean and inconsiderate. He passed the withdrawal stage in the jail and has been attending classes. I am so very proud of him I have faith that he is rehabilitated. He is even requesting Drug court!

• by Randi Gray Poet
• 11 years ago

I'm sorry to say that the person I wrote this poem for has gone farther in to addiction and for my own sanity and the sake of my child, we are now getting a divorce. I pray for him but after 10 years of trying to help and be there for him, I had to give up. Good luck to everyone else battling with this horrible disease.

• by Jen
• 11 years ago

Amazing poem! My husband is an addict, pain pills and meth. He is currently in jail on a 2 years sentence. I hope and pray he can stay clean when he comes home. He is an amazing person when he isn't on the drugs.

• by Patricia Nashville, TN
• 11 years ago

I have been with my fiance for 8 years, when I first started dating him he only smoked weed, we had our daughter in 2009. (BEST MOMENT OF ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP!).. He proposed to me in 2010..then around 2011 he finally admitted to me he had an addiction to pain pills AND had stolen from my family, two months later we split up for 2 weeks then get back together promises of rehab, better life etc., Get back together and it just gets WORSE... He had a job and lost it.. stole from his employer.. stole from his family.. dealed the drugs.. and then gets hooked on heroin.. :/ He went to jail for 2-3 months in 2011 for burglary and theft.. got out promises of rehab.. promises of change.. our family gave him a second chance.. he moved back in.. got a good job.. things were great for awhile till he lost his job.. started hanging around the wrong people again and then my grandmother caught him in the room with a needle.. we kicked him out.. before you knew it I was sooo blinded by ALL the lies.

• by Lori Sparks, Columbus
• 11 years ago

My Daughter has been addicted to opiates for about ten years. She has done the methadone and suboxen programs, has failed and gotten kicked out for testing positive for crack and designer drugs. She started bath salts and hallucinated put her Daughter in harms way when she was over for the weekend. She heard things that were not there, she thought someone was breaking into our home told her child she was going to have to jump out a second floor window. The police arrive because she called 911 and innocent neighbors out on the breezeway that night get guns drawn on them because the police were called for no reason. It was all in her head. Finally she went to rehab after overdosing two times mixing bath salts and crack. Two years of a living zombie hell. My Daughter is 31 yrs old my Granddaughter 8 yrs old.. The poems are just so healing and to know so many others going through the same challenges.

• by Tracy, Baton Rouge La.
• 11 years ago

I am so exhausted I have finally conquered addiction, but to no avail my boyfriend is smoking crack. I know the pain it causes and am trying to stand beside him thru his struggles, but every time I think he is getting better it just gets worse.

• by Elizabeth
• 11 years ago

I am going to memorize this poem and when the time comes I will stand up and shout it to the world. So much pain, suffering... My boyfriend used marijuana occasionally. I thought it was recreational but turned out it wasn't. Pregnant with my child as he's throwing anything and everything he can at me. It's baby's first Christmas.. He broke my bones, e.r., in jail.. Released and on probation. Now he gets pain pills.. Takes 6 or more at a time. And let me tell you something our love is dead. My daughter = my life. I'm not raising her like this. One more upset and it's going down.

• by Lisa Joseph
• 12 years ago

Great poem, I am an addict been sober 3 years almost 4. My dad was an alcoholic so I know both sides God Bless you and your loved ones I know the pain of living with and addict as well as being one active in addiction. There is help and hope Never give up

• by Myhusbandistacocainejunkie, Regina
• 12 years ago

I have been sitting here crying for hours, with tears streaming down my face once more, while my husband is out shooting up cocaine and masturbating to pornography. I just got out of the ER for attempted suicide.... I am getting help for myself, (I am bipolar and this relationship is destroying every piece that is left of me) I am going into a 4 week, hospital day program to help me with my mental health but he refuses to get help for his issues. I feel lost and so alone. This poem really spoke to me. and now I am bawling once again. I feel like giving up on him but I love him so much.

• by Iloveacrackhead, Flint
• 12 years ago

Not only did I read and relate to this poem, but I also wrote it down to send to my boyfriend who has struggled with a crack cocaine addiction for more than 10 years, and has finally, of his own free will, without any suggestion, checked himself into a rehab facility. I have only been with him for 2 of the 10 years that he has had this illness, but unfortunately he was not the first drug addict that I have been with, but the first that I ever truly loved. He has been in rehabs before, not since I've known him, but as court ordered or as ultimatums from family, so I hope and pray that because HE chose this that it will give him the start he needs to stay strong and continue in his recovery. The addict is never the only person affected by their addiction, and I truly believe that once THEY REALIZED that their actions are not only affecting them, they begin to want to get better. Addiction is a disease, but also IS A CHOICE, and the choice to get better is always the hardest one.

• by Fort Worth
• 12 years ago

My daughter is 21 years old and began using anything she could get her hands on at 14. She is now an IV meth addict living from one fix to the next in seedy motels all over the city. She has a beautiful 2 year old daughter that I am raising. It breaks my heart knowing that if it doesn't stop she will either die or go to prison. I haven't seen her in a month but her sister says she is emaciated and sick...pray for addicts...this insidious disease is the single most destructive problem in not only our families but our entire country

• by Sharon, PA
• 13 years ago

It was amazing to read all of the thoughts and feelings I wasn't able to say. It was like someone pulled all of the words out of my mind.

• by Danielle, Ohio
• 13 years ago

My boyfriend is addicted to heroin and as I read this poem it was like I was writing it myself. You've expressed things here that I could never put an explanation on. I felt every piece of this poem.

• by Jasmin Acosta
• 13 years ago

My husband is addicted to weed, now I know you might not think that you can get addicted to weed but believe me its possible. It's hard to tell why he can't stop...but it's difficult to get put through all his crap, but I love him and one day I know it will come we will be free from the devils game.

• by Randi Gray Poet
• 14 years ago

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts, and I'm proud to say...my husband (the addict from my poem) is currently in recovery! It can happen!

• by Mary, NJ
• 14 years ago

My son has had 17 operations for a work related injury, and is now addicted to pain killers. He lives with us, and we now live his addiction with no hope of it ever changing or getting him back. We are changing though, into people we don't recognize any longer. Your poem says it all. God bless each of us.

• by Tara
• 14 years ago

Thank you so much for posting this. I could not hardly read it with out tearing up. My boyfriend of 6 and half yrs is addicted to meth, this is def what I feel and is glad that I'm not the only one out there that has the same feelings.

• by Angie, England
• 14 years ago

My son as been fighting the addiction of heroin for 15 years and is battling once again....this is a very touching poem for me

• by Louise, England
• 14 years ago

This poem is exactly how I feel right now my partner of six yrs has been addicted to crack and heroin for a long time on and off. Just reading these words my eyes fill with tears he's means the world to me I just wish he could feel what I do.. Thank you for posting it has gave me some what of a comfort knowing there's more than me just feeling this way xxxx

• by Mary Derry, NH
• 14 years ago

I have 2 sons that are heroin addicts, 1 is in jail by the grace of God the other I believe will succumb to this horrible addiction. I call it the DEVIL

• by mark
• 15 years ago

your poem touched me... my mother went through the same as you for twenty years while I continued to slowly kill myself with heroin and crack cocaine. her love for me finally won through and now she can smile again. just wanted to share the experience and hope. god bless.

• by Meghan
• 15 years ago

My now-ex boyfriend is a crack addict. This poem was so hard for me to read. Thank you for posting this. You give me a sense of...normalcy.

• by stephanie
• 15 years ago

My husband is addicted to porn and it helped me cause this is just how I feel thank you and god bless

• by Lauren
• 15 years ago

My father is a porn addict, and you have no idea what this poem means to me. It's like me speaking. Thank you so much.

• by Cathy
• 16 years ago

My husband is a meth addict. I totally can relate to this poem. Every word in this poem is true. I have always been there for him and will continue to be there for him. We have been married 18 years and the last 6 years have been the most hard. He is currently in prison and I hope this has finally settled into him that this will be his life from now on if he doesn't quit! What really hurts is that he will miss our sons graduation from high school this coming year, 2009.