Katie M. Elliott

"How are you?" ask the blinded eyes
"I'm doing good." comes the cheerful reply
Across my face a smile is painted
One that looks perfect and untainted

A cheerful teen is who they see
A good student who is trustworthy
A girl who has everything just right
Miss Perfect, a shining light

She goes to church, doing her best
Attending school, and acing each test
She goes home and completes her tasks
At night she cries and takes off her mask

I do not know who you see when you look at me
You may see someone who is quite fine
But that is where you are wrong
For I can tell, I am already truly gone

I might seem alive, but trust me I am not
I died a while ago, and I die a lot
You may think you cannot die if you are already dead
Pssht, have you ever had these voices in your head?

Discouraged, depressed, and dead is all I am
The smile I use and the words I say are just a scam
I have lost hope that I will rise from the dead
I do not believe I can get rid of this dread

No one else can tell, but I sure can
This is not who I was, but it's who I am
I keep moving through life, but my spirit is gone
I pretend I am fine, but death has won

A life that is broken,
A life that doesn't make sense,
A life that can be forgotten
With only a paper and a pen.

People are too confusing,
So you begin to create your own.
These people you can understand
And they do not make you feel alone.

You design a chaotic world
In order to forget what is real.
You unload burdens on your people,
Not really caring if they ever heal.

But the more you write their story,
The more you begin to care.
You craft their pain into glory
And give them purpose beyond compare.

You write to get what you're after.
You see yourself in their eyes.
You find joy in their laughter,
And you feel pain in their cries.

As you create their story,
You begin to sort out your own.
The chaos turns to glory,
And you feel less alone.

The rain is pouring down again,
And for that she thanks God.
Maybe it will wash away the burning stain
That's hurting her heart tonight.

White light reveals the room
And the girl falling apart.
She hears a resounding boom,
Like the noise going on in her heart.

She stares out the window and hugs her knees.
She cries to God, "Don't leave me, please."
The darkness reflects her emptiness inside,
For loneliness is what causes her to cry.

"What is wrong with me?" she asks
"Why must I be all alone?"
"I'm tired of hiding behind a mask
And of handling it all on my own."

No one understands the girl's heart
'Cause she'll never force you to listen.
People can't see that she's falling apart,
For she's quiet, and no one will listen.

The voice that was choked into silence
Is now choked by a river of tears,
For she feels caged by her shyness
And by all of her many fears.

Books have been her best friend,
Along with soothing songs,
For the friendships that start soon end,
Or something in them feels wrong.

Being around other people only makes her feel more alone,
For no one else seems to be friendless and on their own.
She looks at their friendships and longs for them to show her the same,
But she feels hopeless, because she doesn't know how to play this game.

The words that could heal her only cut her heart
'Cause they're spoken to another while she's falling apart.
"I love you," "I'm proud of you," or "How was your day?"
Each time she's ignored she continues to waste away.

She daydreams about those she admires a lot
And wonders if they think about her too or not.
She loves people and doesn't want them to feel alone
'Cause she knows what it's like to be all on your own.

So she holds herself tonight,
And faintly she can feel
A comforting presence in her heart
As her Savior holds her tight.