Lost To Me

I try to search for a little closure and relief but they are hiding in a cold and dark place that I cannot find.
Why do the painful images not find not find a place to stay other than the forefront of my jumbled up mind?
I can still hear your sweet, soft voice whisper the three special words of "I love you" in my ear.
Oh how I wish that my strong arms were wrapped around your small, breathing body so that I could keep you near.
I remember your beautiful, expressive blue eyes and how when you were happy or exited they would shine as bright as the sun.
I can still hear your loud, joyful laugh running through my head over and over again from when we were together and innocently having fun.
Oh how I wish that I was able to get up and go back in time and change that terrible, fateful day.
I would have done and said things differently than before to make sure that you would have been able to stay.
I try and try to search for you and call out to you in my deepest, darkest nightmares and even in my sweetest, softest dreams.
I can still hear just how much pain, how much fear, and how much suffering had filled your loud, piercing screams.
I remember your big, blinding smile and how it would make your whole body look like it was glowing from your happiness.
Oh how I wish that, again, your small, smooth hand could rise up to my face for a sweet, gentle caress.
You are now holding hands and smiling with Jesus Christ and living in a huge mansion that resides up above the cloudy skies.
You are now lost to me for rest of my living life and so I cannot stop the endless tears that keep escaping my puffy, bloodshot eyes.