Inner Child

• by Cinthya Frias
• 9 years ago

What a beautiful poem .. I'm almost 21 and I got molested when I was in 7th grade until my freshman year by my mother's husband. Forced to do things no angel should.. And all he said was that it was for my own good.. It happened so many times, that now I start to think that maybe he continued to do it because he thought I was okay with it .. How many times did I cry to him to get off of me .. How many times did I wish I'd die before he could touch me again.. And how many times did I wish my mom would have kicked him out of the house every time he'd come sleep in my room.. I haven't took therapy. I've repressed it .. But I'm finding myself wondering if what he did to me, could have affected me in ways that I'm not noticing it yet.. I'm currently trying to conceive with my fiance and it hasn't happened yet ... Maybe because God knows I'll be just like him .. It sickens me, it makes me feel like I have nothing to live for ..

• by Kariana R.
• 10 years ago

Hello, To be honest this has really touched me because it reminds me so much of my past. I can't I know how you feel because well I'm not you but I can say I've gone through something very similar... and afterwards when that happened I hated God for years. I could never understand what I could've done for Him to not have stopped what he did to me. Of course now I know better but I just want you to know and everyone else who posts that Hey YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are others who will believe you and help you out of the situation. YOU ARE NOT ALONE in the pain and the shame and the darkness one feels. Thank you for having posted this, I've been having a lot of trouble finding my voice and this certainly helped voice a lot of what I had inside.

• by Janin, Germany
• 10 years ago

This poem describes exactly how I felt a hundred times, when I was about to give up on religion. And I just cried a lot over the last line, because that was probably the most touching. But we should all remember that the love of Jesus is totally different to the love of any person on this planet.

• by Matt
• 12 years ago

This is a great poem. It speaks exactly what I was thinking when I gave up on religion back in the 3rd grade. I was physically and mentally abused for all of my childhood until I became a teenager from my older brother and his friends. I can't really tell anyone that reason though, because my abuser has changed his ways, and I don't want people to resent him for his past.
I just want to thank you for putting the unsaid feelings of people like us into a powerful poem.

• by Kate
• 13 years ago

To Melissa,
I am Kate. I am sorry that I am slow to see this. I do not look at this site often but maybe I should. Please feel free to reference my response to Angel. The purpose for submitting this poem here is none other than to allow for others to know that they are not alone. Abuse very nearly destroyed me, my hope in anything good, and my trust in the human race. But today as I write I can say that I have not only survived abuse but I have overcome it. Many years of abuse did not get me, I won. I believe that many others can also overcome the mighty beast of the past and so I invite you to use my words to help anyone who can benefit from them.

• by Melissa ''sin'' Ledger, United States
• 13 years ago

I'm hoping Kate will see this. I run a page and closed group on Facebook for depression related issues. This poem was posted. I looked for the original posting as the person that posted it did not list anyone as the author. I would like her permission to quote her response story to Angel on here as I don't feel it's fair to do so without asking.

We have many that have suffered abuse in many forms with us and use negative coping mechanisms. I believe her poem has already touched people and I think her words to go with it may be able to do even more.

• by Lucretia, Alabama
• 13 years ago

Hello, as I read this poem, I cried so hard as I remember the abuse by my dad starting at eight years old, but I suspect that things were happening to me at an earlier age because I remember knowing things (sexual) that no young child should know. My abuse continued until I was sixteen. It only stopped then because I met the boy that was to become my first husband and I stayed away from home all the time. I told my mother (more than once) when I was twelve. She asked him, of course he denied it and that very night he was back in my bedroom, waking me up on top of me. I often wondered too where was God in all this? Why, didn't He at least give my mother the sense to get me out of there? No child should have to go through this. The monsters who do, will have to answer to God one day and my mother, to me is just as guilty as my dad because she knew, she had to have known, and she did nothing and that pain will always be there. Mothers are supposed to protect their children.

• by Kate
• 13 years ago

Angel,
I am Kate, the one who wrote this poem. I am sorry for the pain that you have experienced. No one should ever be hurt in this way. You are never to blame for the way that people hurt you. It is actually quite common for those of us who are abused to be abused by multiple people. This is not because it is our fault but because we become more vulnerable and our sense of inhibition becomes somewhat distorted. I want to encourage you to tell your therapist or another adult who feels safe to you, about your cutting. Cutting is a very natural response to abuse but it is not healthy. You CAN learn to cope without needing to cut. Trust me on this and tell someone, okay.

• by Angel
• 13 years ago

Hello my name is Angel and I am 15. I've been abused by my mother (not sexually) but she used to beat me and my sister and make us do military exercises and clean for hours. She would say some pretty jacked up stuff and still does. I love her because she's my mom but I believe she should get help. The last time she's hurt me was maybe 1 year and a half ago but I'm scared she'll start back she goes on and off and I can tell she's close. But I have been raped by my best friend whom I looked up to as an older sister and her friends when I was only 7. And have been sexually abused by different people over and over all my life. I feel like it's my fault. If it keeps happening isn't it.. My fault..? I never trust people 100% and I'm always aggressive with people because I feel like acting tough will protect me. It doesn't work. I have a therapist because I was caught cutting for the second time. I've been doing it for almost 3 years, but I haven't told her or my parents yet.

• by Joana, Brazil
• 13 years ago

Hello, I read your poem and I got really touched by it, I'm crying while writing this...

I've never been molested, I can never understand what you go through every day, dealing with the pain. But my best friend was molested by her step father during all her childhood, and this poem really helped me to understand her a little better. Thank you.

I'd like to ask a favor for you: I'm a young artist, and I made a drawing about child abuse for an Student Organization that fight against child abuse here in Brazil. I really wanted to put your poem together with it, is that okay? We would be really glad if you accept it.

Thank you very much. Again, your poem is beautiful.

• by Jamila, Florida
• 13 years ago

Your poem is very beautiful and I just want you to know God hears your silent cries and he knows your pain. Sometimes God puts us in situations to make us stronger and things will get better because Trouble doesn't last always. A thing that really helps me when I fell like nobody cared is I pray and listen to "Canton Jones- Nobody Cared" it's one of the most beautiful songs I know.

• by Meaghan
• 14 years ago

This is like me too. I don't blame God for it but I do wonder why it happened, it was done by my brother and I told my parents and its like it never happened. I'm finally in therapy 4 years after I told them it happened and I don't know if there is ever getting over it. It's always going to be there. I just wish there was a cure for it but I hope that one day me and everyone who has ever been abused gets help and gets on with our lives as it should be and not as it was.

• by Berkshire
• 14 years ago

I loved this poem, it gave me shivers, I was sexually abused by my dad when I was 10, I eventually told his girlfriend and when she told the rest of my family they didn't believe me, they just shouted at me, I'm 26 now and all my brothers are still in contact with him, My older sister was abused too and she was in contact with him as well, I went to court but they didn't send him to prison as there wasn't evidence. Because of all this me and my family don't get along but they still see him, I haven't spoken to him in over 15 years, I now have a 7 month old boy and moving on with my life, it took me over 10 years but I got there in the end, though it does sicken me that he only lives down the road from me and my son.

• by Sioux
• 14 years ago

I was abused most of my childhood and then my son was molested by a teacher he had adored! It led us both to abusive behavior to ourselves! We survived it and are two of the strongest and caring people I know. I take care of my grandchildren in fear that someone bad could hurt them. It is something you never forget but with God's help you can overcome it. It is now up to you to accept His help and change the course of your life. Do all that you can to help others, and by writing this poem you have done just that. God Bless you on the rest of this journey called life!

• by Anuradha
• 14 years ago

Tears rolled down my cheeks when I read this poem. I'm a grownup woman now. When I was 8 years old I was abused by my brother-in law and my own sister blamed me for this. I vowed when I will be a mother I will protect my daughter from all the evils what my mother could not do. Recently my 30 years old married daughter told me that she was to abused when she was 11 years old by one of our close relatives. I failed. I could not protect my daughter too. I wan't to kill the person, but I can't. It's taking a toll on my health.

• by Sharleen, South Africa
• 14 years ago

I have a foster daughter who was abused and this poem describes her so eloquently. Thank you for helping me understand her a little better.

• by Australia
• 14 years ago

Writing this poem must have brought home the reality of what happened to you......totally horrifying. It left me with shivers running up and down my spine. Will we ever be able to get over the shame and betrayal?? I was so touched reading your story, and relating it back to myself at 10 years old when I was abused by my stepfather. Someone who is meant to look after us and be able to trust him. I have tried every way I know how with counseling for years, but still haven't been able to put my shocking experience behind me and move on. As a mother now with an 8 year old daughter, I try so hard not to project my past fears onto her but I don't know how to get past it. Thank goodness he passed away 11 years ago, but I'm still haunted by so many reminders each day, as I'm sure others out there are too.

• by Betty, IN
• 14 years ago

I was molested as a child, by a brother, uncle, I remember all the bad things, how it affected my life as I got into my teens, I couldn't trust any boys, after I was married, still the same. I was divorced, after a few years, but I'm trying to get my life together. Thank so much for sharing this poem with me, it was beautiful.

• by Sam
• 14 years ago

This poem really touched me deeply. I was molested by my grandfather when I was only 4. I still remember the touch and awkward feeling of arousal. This feeling left me completely shameful and utterly confused. I never told a soul but found myself at 19 in a house where he came by. I went into the bedroom, closed the door and sat against the door cradling myself like the poem described. I now understand that what I was doing was protecting the inner child still horrified by the betrayal and trespass of someone that was supposed to show his wholesome love and protection. Many locked up tears stream down my face as I read this and now write my comments... I believe these are tears of grief and the beginning of healing process. Thank you to whoever wrote the poem and for sharing this with the world.

• by Susie5
• 14 years ago

Wow that's amazing I can relate I'm sorry you had to go through that. That poem was really touching.

• by Australia
• 14 years ago

What a beautiful poem and very meaningful I have just been told my daughter was abused and this really touched the heart.

• by Naelonda, Michigan
• 14 years ago

I just wanted to thank you for posting this poem. Every question I ever had was asked. I was abused by my stepdad when I was growing up and all I could ever think was why, what did I do? This is a great poem and it will be one that will help me for years to come. Thank you so much for sharing...

• by Bianca, Germany
• 14 years ago

This is the saddest poem I've ever read. Because it says all - all the things that happened to an innocent child, as I was. This poem says it all, the fear and the search for God and inner peace. Yes, someday we'll raise up and stand tall and say: and we didn't do anything wrong, we're not guilty and I will held my head up strong and look him in his eyes: where have you been?

• by Cindy
• 15 years ago

I related to this poem as I myself was abused as a child. Please to all remember that which does not kill you will make you stronger, not all of us can do this. I can only pray that somehow we all can overcome these monsters that came not only in the night but day as well. I was only a child when this happened to me now I'm a grown woman and the anger and fear I had as a child I took and made it into strength, I have made myself a shelter for those who need a warm place, an ear to hear, and a safe place to go to when they need to escape those monsters. I'm not that scared little girl anymore, and I can and will take on all those monsters, eyes open wide, because they don't scare me anymore. God Bless

• by Jessica Belandres
• 15 years ago

This poem was really touched my heart. I was eight years old when I experienced abuse by the people whom I trusted so much. The pain of that little child (inside my heart) stopped when I was nineteen and I decided to let go the pain little by little. I am not a sexually abused but a child-age abused. I lost my innocence but it is okay because I am learning to live again. Thank you for sharing this poem.

• by jeni
• 15 years ago

This is an amazing poem. I was abused as a little girl since before I can remember. It stopped when I was thirteen and I am now nineteen but I still feel the pain and hurt every single day. This describes exactly what I feel like and the pain and suffering that we go through. Thank you for posting this, now I know I'm not alone.

• by Jerica
• 16 years ago

This happened to me in a way but it didn't go as far as it did for this girl. I think it is horrible to do to a person and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

• by Jazmin Hall
• 16 years ago

This never happened to me but I knew a girl who did experience this and I believe that if she could talk about it, she would say the same things...it's sad that a lot of people lose their innocence when they are so young.