Finding A Voice

I scream, yet I am not heard.
I try to talk, but my mouth won't open.
I am not myself anymore,
but I can tell that to no one.

It talks through my mouth
And always shouts and screams.
It tells me I'm not good enough
and stamps on all my dreams.

It tears me from my loved ones
and rips their hearts in two,
for they think that I'm dying,
but it says that that's not true.

They say I'm in denial,
but it says there's nothing wrong,
I'm so confused and lost.
I feel like I don't belong.

It's a part of me now.
I know I'm never alone,
for it's always there with me,
even when I'm on my own.

But life doesn't feel worth living,
and I just want to cry.
I want to be myself again,
But it's too difficult to try.

I let it control me now,
as it has stuck to me.
Although it lies to everyone,
I know I can never be free.

But as the months go by,
I know that I'm growing weak,
and at the rate I'm going,
my future is looking bleak.

My friends talk to me,
and I just want to reply,
but it tells them that I'm okay,
and I know that it's a lie.

I start to think that maybe
everyone might have been right,
but it tells me that they're lying,
and I am filled with fright.

I don't want to die,
but I'm terrified I might.
No one else can save me.
It's me who has to fight.

But I still cannot talk,
as it controls my mind,
so I just keep on lying,
leaving my friends behind.

I cannot fight the voice,
for it's far too strong,
I don't know who I am without it.
It's been in my head for too long.

I'm trapped in my own head,
but I know I must resist,
for if I keep believing it,
I will not to exist.

No doctor is lying to me,
no loved one wants me to die,
but it is controlling me
and making me constantly lie.

I know the truth
somewhere inside of me,
and all I can do now
is resist that voice daily.

It's tough to fight the voice
every single day.
But I know it's best for me.
I want to be okay.

The road is long and winding,
and the battle is uphill,
but recovery is the only way out,
as eating disorders can kill.

I am myself again now,
after many years,
and while it is still present,
I do not listen to its jeers.

My life is for me to live,
not to just survive.
Beating my eating disorder
was the only way to thrive.

Recovery is possible.
You can fight the voice.
You can regain control.
Recovery is your choice.