Dear Addiction

I've always made you first in life,
and now for that, I completely pay the price.
You've caused me so much pain,
made me go crazy and insane.
I've conned, I've lied, I'd steal anything for that next pill,
anything for that next drink, never did I think.
I've done so much I regret,
I hate myself for and you I blame 100%.
I've lost family, I've lost friends,
now I'm alone fighting you and I'll fight you till the end.
I'd lie in bed day after day,
praying and praying for my life to drift away.
The tears were never ending,
the fears were descending.
Insane fights. He left me alone tonight.
Blood covering all my space,
I'll never forget that look on Braydon's face.
Grandma cried today,
I wish more than anything I could take her pain away
I made her cry. Why?! It wasn't me.
Trust and believe, it wasn't me.
Locked up. Steel bars surround me,
reaching out to someone, anyone.
I can't breathe, I can't see.
Isolation, suffocation, what did you do to me?!
I went out for drinks while he was sleeping.
What was I thinking?
The stuff you made me do,
every day I continue to think through.
I'm admitted again,
I'm all cut up from beginning to end.
The cuts relieve my pain,
the pain that has been slowly driving me insane.
To feel the blade dig into my skin,
it's an amazing feeling, a comforting feeling.
Yet every time it's over I feel I have sinned.
Shame, Embarrassment, Loneliness, Heartache, and Emptiness,
Let me go,
Let me be.
Dear Addiction, set me free.