Samantha Faulkner

Today we're going to the zoo.
I'm psyched, I'm zinged, I'm Scooby Doo.
My shoes are on, my scarf, my hat.
I'm bouncing like an acrobat.
Come on Mum, come on Dad.
We'll get there late if traffic's bad.
We're on the road; it won't be long.
Mum says an hour; she must be wrong.
Right now to queue, which one? I'll pick it.
I'm desperate now to get that ticket.
Through the turnstile, up the slope,
And face to face with antelope!
The keeper leads along the path,
Which draws my gaze to a huge giraffe!
Whilst licking food from round its face
It locks its neck with a suitcase.
No wait, no case; why, that's a trunk,
But elephant poo's not what I stunk.
It comes from there - the mud and bog.
I spot the snout of one warthog
With bristly ears and curly tail
Snuffling food from a big green pail
Mum declares, "It's monkey time!
Let's snap them whilst they swing and climb."
Two small ones crouch besides the bars,
Bananas clutched like fat cigars.
Mum reads the guide and then she squeals.
"Let's buy some fish to feed the seals.
12 o'clock is feeding time.
Then they perform in pantomime."
I thought the zoo filled kids with glee,
But mum it seems is worse than me.
Dad likes the zoo but isn't fond
Of bags and coats so he plods along.
He likes the noise and even stench
But longs to find a comfy bench.
His luck is in; we find a seat
To root through what we've brought to eat.
Foil wrapped rolls and cans of pop,
Some chocolate from the local shop.
"Stop for breath; you're going to choke!"
"Come on Dad, there's lions to stroke."
"Love, listen close, and please stay calm.
If you stroke them they'll take your arm!"
"Okay Dad, if that's the case,
Instead I'll kiss a gator's face."
Mum takes the lead of all of us.
She wants to see the rhinoceros.
She lures me with a red balloon
Reminding me of one baboon
That pressed the glassed and firstly posed
And then turned round, his butt exposed.
But then it comes as no surprise
They don't make trousers in his size.
It's 5 o'clock and time for home.
I'm sad but tired so will not moan.
There are no gorillas back at mine,
But Gran smells close, so I'll be fine.

You go to your back garden, as you want something to do,
And a world of wild adventure is staring back at you.
It's not a place that mum and dad know sits behind your home,
But you see things they can't see if you're prepared to comb.
Beneath the big hydrangea bush are mysteries to spy,
Where ogres live and will appear, but slowly 'cause they're shy.
To travel to this mystic land or venture even farther,
You need to cross the vast green lawn that is now made of lava.
But if you hop from stone to stone and say the magic words,
You've learned by cracking clues and rhymes left for you by the birds,
You'll get across securely, and even in one piece,
But if you mix your words, jump fast so you'll avoid the beast
That lurks amongst the flowerbeds and sneaks from pot to pot,
But don't step on the lawn 'cause as you know, it's boiling hot.
So now you've reached the brambles, all twisted thorns and vines
That come to life and grab your legs, so watch out for the signs,
As they know when no one's watching you to see you disappear
And take you to a place that even ghosts and dragons fear,
But you are not a dragon, and you're certainly not a ghost.
You're brave, you're strong, you're fearless and more intelligent that most.
You've got your wits about you, and more important than that,
You've brought you brand new spud gun and your lucky cowboy hat.
So now onto the castle where the captured princess waits,
Guarded by the boglins made of stone beside the gates.
You first must climb the rope ladder and hope it doesn't break,
Or worse, as you recall, it once transformed into a snake.
You peek in through the doorway, being quiet as a mouse.
You see a stunning castle, not a dusty old treehouse.
A 'pop' 'pop' of your gun and the guards run off in fear.
The worst thing for a goblin is potato in their ear.
And now to save the princess, that was once your sister's doll,
But since you flushed that down the toilet, it's now Bert, her purple troll.
But Bert is still a princess and needs saving all the same,
And protected past the duck pond full of crocodiles to tame.
You can tell that they are peckish and bribe them with a snack,
Which wins their trust and earns you both a ride upon their back ,
Which really comes in handy as the pond also contains
Snapping pink piranhas keen to gobble up your brains.
But fish with teeth don't scare you as you jump down from the pond.
You're as brave as Indiana and as daring as James Bond.
With Bert inside your backpack, you head back to the lawn,
With you trainers thick with mud and your trousers slightly torn.
But if you're required to save the world, mum should count herself as lucky
That the only cost to her sometimes is clothes that come back mucky.
As you stride across the patio, your mission now complete
You're through the door, your head held high, but still must wipe your feet
'Cause while giants do not scare you, even roaring, "Fee Fi Fum,"
Nothing's quite as frightening as a telling off from mum.