Wind In The Pillows

You will not believe it when I tell you now
What happened last night, more importantly how.

My husband and I traveled right 'round the globe
With nothing to wear but a fluffy bathrobe.

It all came about due to eating for tea.
Baked beans for him and baked beans for me.

Now many would think that this meal would be fine,
But what happened next will soon change your mind.

It all came about as we climbed into bed,
But on this occasion - both comfortably fed.

The window was open, which made us decide
To tuck in the blanket on every side.

Which did just the trick to shut out the cold
But reason somewhat for what now would unfold.

It started quite quietly, with just the odd 'pop!'
But shortly we realized we both couldn't stop.

You'd think it would end shortly after it starts,
But not on this evening and not with these farts.

They rumbled and rasped and bubbled and blew.
Some sounds were familiar and some were brand new.

Then slowly at first, but quite soon at a pace
The blanket was rising and filling the space.

Up to the ceiling and with nowhere to spread,
It took on the weight and lifted the bed.

Floating out of the window and over the house
These words could be heard from my panicking spouse.

"This cannot be happening; this must be a dream!
Sometimes our encounters are not what they seem!"

But this was quite real - our trumps made us fly!
We were riding a mattress incredibly high.

Our bottoms kept burping; we weren't coming down.
We started to drift and pass over the town.

We got to the coast and our bowels still had motion,
So onwards we flew now crossing the ocean.

We passed over France and guilt was soon felt
That the Rhine and Louvre now both badly smelt.

We blushed over Egypt - they had us to thank
As due to our tooting their pyramids stank.

We cruised over Brussels and what we pumped out
Had the suitable scent of a moldy old sprout.

As we crossed the North Pole we thought, "Surely enough?"
But while waving to elves we continued to guff.

My husband now braver, enjoying the ride,
Had the cheeky idea to hotbox his bride.

The stench hit me hard, like a slap in the face.
I'd liken the smell to a plumber's briefcase.

Not one for revenge, but I thought only fair
That my husband should enjoy this botty cough air.

The odor was pungent, like stinky cheese mold.
It crept up our nostrils and knocked us out cold.

When we stirred hours later, 'twas tricky to spy
Our exact new location; we both had pink eye.

Where were we now? We both didn't know.
As we looked, we were shocked to see our house below.

The neighbors peeked out as our bed floated down.
I was glad I was wearing my best dressing gown.

Here at the original scene of the crime
As though we had be there the entire time.

We'd learnt a good lesson, I would have said -
Not to eat so many beans before bed.