Binh L. Herdrick

I don't want this house,
this emptiness in the air,
this quiet despair.

I don't want these days
stacked one after another,
in endless grays,
heavy with your absence.

I don't want the Christmas twinkling lights,
their hollow gleam at night,
nor the festive songs--
without you, these all feel wrong.

I have nothing to celebrate this year.
there is no joy, no cheer,
no magic--
the holidays,
they mean nothing without you.

All I want is you--
to feel your warmth beside me,
to hear your voice say my name.

I want the life we had.
I want to hold your hand again,
to turn back time and begin.

All I want is to be with you.

I’ve searched for solace,
yet grief clings,
a shadow I can’t shake.
Loneliness tightens around my heart,
where love and loss entwine.
leaving me to stumble through each moment,
lost in an endless haze.

Today marks three months since you've gone,
And each day, the weight of your absence lingers on.

I tremble with sorrow, my body aches,
My heart squeezed tight, a pain that never breaks.
Gut coils in anguish, breathless with despair,
Living without you is more than I can bear.
Hope has faded, no desire to be,
For without you, Larry,
there's no reason for me.

I think of the husband, so kind and true,
My gentle lover who pulled me through.
You made me feel safe, cherished, and bright,
Now I wander in darkness,
stripped of all light.

These three months feel like an endless night,
Each day, I hope to wake and find you in sight.
But the nightmare goes on, a relentless tide,
Leaving me reaching for you with no one by my side.

I remember your words, written with care,
In a card where your love was laid bare:
"Without you, there's no reason to live,
to hope, to dreams, and to be."

Now I find myself feeling the same,
lost and alone,
Living without you,
my heart turned to stone.
How do I go on without your embrace,
Without your comforting words, your steady grace?

I try, love, to take each day as it comes,
But it's hard,
so hard,
my soul feels numb.
I'm unsure if I can make it through,
For I love you, and I miss you--more than words could ever convey.