No Hope And No Love Inside

I cut my wrist today, but not because I wanted to die.  Of course, people won't ask. They will just assume that's why.

I needed to know that I could still feel something, other than the pain I felt inside.  I watched it for a while until finally the bleeding started to subside.

For so long now, I've tried my best not to cry and not to complain. But when the bleeding from my wrist was done, with every beat of my heart, I still felt that same old pain.

I don't know how to let it go, and it won't leave on its own.  It's a pain unimaginable for a mother.  It is a pain that most have never known.

Now, this pain is the only thing that I know. It's the only thing that's real.  There's no hope, and there's no love inside. This pain is the only thing that I can feel.

I remember the day it came to me.  In fact, I re-live it each and every day. It was the day I became imprisoned in this heartache.  The day cocaine took my youngest son away.