Dad

Why did you choose to ruin your life?
I'm sure I will never know
You turned into a nasty man
And let your evil grow
You took away my childhood
And made me all mixed up
Why could you not have been my dad?
Instead of f*ing up
You were the handy helpful man
That was known to one and all
It was me who knew the real one
Who made my skin crawl
I wanted to be normal
I wanted it to end
I would have told somebody
But I didn't trust a friend
You finally did get put away
For all your hateful crimes
It turned out I wasn't the only one
To suffer at your hands
The guilt I felt was terrible
I felt somehow to blame
For you were locked up in a cell
But I could feel the pain
Now you are old and lonely
With no friends to come your way
But I'm the one who visits you
When I have the free odd day
I don't know why I do this
I guess I'm just too soft
I don't have much I want to say
I just sit and let you talk
You're not that powerful man anymore
That dictates my every move
I'm the one that is in charge now
And I feel really sorry for you
I don't feel threatened when I kiss your cheek
When I leave you at the door
You don't have other intentions
Like you used to have before
You mumble thanks for popping in
As your eyes fill up with tears
Because you are so grateful
After all of these years
To have some form of contact
To the life that you once knew
But you can never have that back
Of this I am quite sure
You often try to let me know
That you are happy for my visit
By buying me some daft wee thing
But it doesn't matter "does it"?
I come to see you for myself
To stop the guilty feelings
That you are all alone somewhere
Just staring at the ceiling
I don't know why I worry still
That you might be in danger
Instead of what I'm expected to feel
And all that can be is ANGER
Now I have the task of burying you
When that day it finally comes
Cause no one else will do it
Because of absent chums
Everyone will surely say
"Good riddance to that man"
But I know I will feel different
Because I have forgiven DAD at last

Aged 37