Battle Within Myself

• by Erin Miller, Utah
• 8 years ago

I'm 15 years old. I have been cutting for three years, but over time, it's gotten worse and worse. I do it because I want something other than mental punishment. I want to feel something. But the thing that scares me the most, is that I don't. That's why it's gotten worse, because I need to feel like I'm not dead.

• by Summer Sanoski
• 9 years ago

I can't look at my parents anymore without facing their disappointment in me. I often look at a razor blade that I hide from them and wonder if they would do anything after I killed myself. I have problems, I know that, but I just can't do anything to stop the feelings. I just can't bring myself to stay alive because there is no happiness in my life.

• by Paige, Tulsa
• 11 years ago

I'm 17. I have been hospitalized 4 times in the last year for cutting. I don't feel like doing it sometimes but I know that I have to. When my anxiety gets too much to bear and I feel I am left all alone in a world that forgot that I existed I HAVE to. My only escape is to get lost in the blood flowing down my arms.....

• by Jo
• 12 years ago

Keep breathing I tell myself. But what's the point, really? Does it matter? If I died here today, would it even matter? Will they even notice? Do they even care? The snow is cold and lonely. I find only warmth in cutting my wrists and letting red seeds drip down as they sizzle on the snow, searching for wet grass. And whenever I try to pull them down with me they're strong and somehow find a way to leave and I'm left in the cold. Try pulling again and they slam my face in so hard it makes me cry. Why won't they just turn around and listen?

• by Onieka, Jamaica
• 12 years ago

Why do I have to be born this way, no one accepts me or loves me, nobody sees my pain, and when I try to speak they shut me up. I'm left in my silence, my darkness to suffer without a word. I die inside my invisible fence in which when dead my dying soul will roam in torment.

• by Dominique Houston Tx.
• 12 years ago

I am so sick and tired of all the pain I have to endure everyday. It's funny how the thing that can keep you sane is your own silent hum in a place of madness. With everyday brings a new battle to defend myself to stick up for my own but some times you think that family has your back but they're too oblivious to see anything but themselves. You rely on friends but even sometimes they judge you to so in the end your only left with yourself and the tears I cry.

• by Natasha
• 12 years ago

When I look at the world
I see nothing
I just see endless hate
Hate for all the fakes
The backstabbers
The intolerant stereotypes
Adults look at me thinking I'm just a bratty teen
My schoolmates look at me like I'm a freak
No accepts me for who I am
Not my parents
Not my once so-called "friends"
No one
I roam the streets alone
Invisible
I walk through halls and corridors
A laughing stock
Just because I dress differently
Just because I have different ideals
Just Because I cut myself
Just because everyone I loved died
But it doesn't matter
Because no one cares
I am alone
Surrounded by the hateful
They don't want me to be who I want to be
But I won't change
Not for them
I'll live this life
Even if I suffer until the very end

• by Alika Ann Rieckhoff, Santee
• 12 years ago

Silence opens the doors to my emotions, they explode with intense rage and sorrow. Remembrance is the key to everything I feel. I guess it better to let myself implode then to allow the numbness over take me again; numb is the days that blur into each other, they are dark and weak. In my weakest moments is when it calls to me. My brain screams for it and I know what I want, I want the pain! The blade traces my veins and digs into my wrist showing only a thin line of red pleasure, again and again the blade takes over me until the screaming stops and all is done.

• by Jolieghifft, Cape Town
• 13 years ago

I wondered who I was all my life?
Always lost in strife,
I was bullied and abused all the time.
He took what was mine,
he crossed the line.
He died a long time ago, I can't ask him why
I wish I could. He built fences around
me when I'm wearing dresses I can hear
him saying "you look good"
and when wearing shorts he would
say "you look ugly"
for 15 yrs I struggled
to forget his voice-'
I have no choice
but to bear his big bold voice.

• by Charelet Shaw
• 13 years ago

My heart isn't complete
the blood falls down my eyes as I cry
my heart feels nothing anymore
to not be able to feel the pain anymore as the blade strikes my skin
as I hear the screams in my mind
but so painful that you don't even feel your heart beating anymore.
as the tears of blood go down my arm into the floor staining a red color
dyeing the wood as I fall to the ground.