Grief Poem

The Darkness After A Sibling's Suicide

This is a poem I wrote right after my brother committed suicide.

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Hi Mitamily28, I'm sorry about your brother. It sounds like you really loved him a lot and that he was a blessing to your whole family. Listen, it's not your fault your brother isn't here...

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Alone

Published by Family Friend Poems September 2015 with permission of the Author.

As I sit here writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks,
I’ve never felt so alone.
The darkness is total, the hate is rising.
My rage is consuming the person I used to be.
I am her no longer. I am a burnt up shell of who I used to be.
The joy I used to have has been sucked out of the room.
I can’t breathe.
The air is so thick I can almost cut it with a knife.
When will this nightmare that has become my life end?
When will the pain and despair leave?
My grief seems to overpower me,
Bringing me down into an empty hole with no way out.
I start screaming, praying someone, anyone, can hear me.
All I hear is the echo of my screams,
The voice in my head saying no one cares.
No one sees me, the pain behind the mask.
They see the smiling, happy girl I show them.
How can I let them see the darkness in my heart?
It would scare them.
So instead, I trudge on and pretend to be fine like is expected of me.
And I wait for the day someone will see through the glass and I will no longer be alone.
The day you left us my life changed forever.
How am I supposed to go on like before?
My baby brother is gone, and I am left here to take care of the family,
The aftermath of the destruction to this family.

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by Mitamily28
9 years ago

My brother committed suicide two months ago. Its been hard for me and my family since his death. I pretend to still be a happy girl but inside I'm dying and broken. But no one seems to notice the cries for help. Not even my own mother. She is too depressed to notice her little girl. I feel like it's my fault he died. Mom looks at me as if I killed him but no one sees that sooner or later they're lose another soul. I don't want to feel this pain inside me because it feels awful. I just wish someone could notice and help me get through this pain.

by Sophie39
6 years ago

Hi Mitamily28,
I'm sorry about your brother. It sounds like you really loved him a lot and that he was a blessing to your whole family. Listen, it's not your fault your brother isn't here anymore. He probably had a hard battle to fight that he thought he couldn't win or didn't know he had help. I hope that you can get the help you need, if not from family then have you thought of someone else you trust? Or a counselor? Just to help reflect on everything and help you through this pain. From the date, I can see you posted 2 years ago, but if you're still wanting to talk to someone, feel free to message me.