A Visit From Santa

'Twas the week before Christmas and without fail
we still did not have our cards in the mail.
Our Christmas letter was blank, not even a line.
The address book lost (as it was most of the time).

I had just finished "Leno" and was headed to bed
when my wife threw a box of cards at my head.
"They're your friends, too," she shouted at me.
"The least you could do is finish the tree!"

I knew right then there was no place to hide.
Grabbed the tinsel and lights and headed outside.
Now where was this tree she went on about?
I had not seen it. Was it inside the house?

When all of a sudden from above came a noise.
I looked up to the sky and down fell a toy.
And then fell another, toys all over the ground.
I dropped all the tinsel and turned right around.

There on my roof was a herd of reindeer
and a jolly fat man dressed up in red gear.
Now I was no slouch and guessed right away
this must be Santa and that was his sleigh.

His arms gripped my chimney, his head down the flue.
By the sounds, I would guess that he just had a few.
I shouted "Hey, Santa! Why the sleigh and reindeer?
You're a week early and you shouldn't be here."

His head rose up slowly and he looked all around
until finally he noticed me there on the ground.
"Where am I?" he whispered and then held his head.
"The last thing I remember was going to bed.

"The elves had a party since their job was done.
They spiked the eggnog and I had more than one."
"Let me help you," I said. "Get these toys back in place.
Come on in for some coffee and to clean up your face."

I thought for a moment, "Should I tell my wife?"
But Santa and I needed no more lectures that night.
While he had his coffee I found his lost sack,
untangled the reindeer and put the toys back.

He thanked me profusely and I pointed his way,
and as I walked back inside I heard my wife say,
"The problem with you is no Christmas spirit!"
With a smile I looked up and said, "Whatever you say, Dearest."