A Cat's Revenge

I have started a ritual
That I'm not allowed to forget
Every night we go for a walk
Just after sunset

I open the front door
I let him out
And then I scooter off
I have to wait at the 1st gazebo
If I don't wanna piss him off

Usually I sit and wait
But tonight was different
The footy was on
He wouldn't come when I called
And it was getting cold and late

I stopped at the 2nd gazebo
To see if he wanted to catch up
He come flying around that corner so fast
I was sure I'd heard an echo

I rounded the corner and reached the door
I waited the usual five
I'm not a bad Mama
Really I'm not
I always give him time
To see if there are any lizards to find

He looked up at me
'I ain't ready yet Mama, I still have things to do'
OK then, I'll leave it to you to decide
The footy's on so I'm going back inside

10 minutes later
I'm lounging in my comfy chair
Billy came in through the cat door
He stood directly in front of me
I was given a disgusted stare

He jumped up on my lap
I thought he was coming for a rest
But I couldn't have been more wrong
You are about to be shocked and horrified
When I tell you what came next

He wasn't after a cuddle
It didn't take long before his intentions became clear
Mama was about to be in deep trouble

The attack was swift and savage
It had caught me completely off guard
He was determined to get even and make me pay
For my pain and suffering he had no regard

In the blink of an eye
He'd jumped off my lap
Landing on the arm of the chair
There were long sharp claws and knife edged teeth
Flying around me everywhere

I can't repeat what I said
As I picked up the remote and gave him a whack
For most cats that would be enough
But not for mine
When Billy gets this angry
He always comes back with another attack

And come back he did with a vengeance
You're gonna pay for what you just did
I'll teach you not to wait for me
Now you'll pay the consequence

This time he drew blood
This time he'd gone too far
This time he'd brought out the big guns
This time I was left with a scar

For the next 2 days I  completely ignored him
I gave him no affection at all
I gave him breakfast dinner and tea
That was the only attention he was getting from me

He got very sad and forlorn
And as usual I gave in
I can never stay angry with my boy for long
He always gets to win

Pull up a chair, Mama and take a load of
There are a couple of things I need to explain
This is not an apology
It's an explanation about what went down the other day

We'd had an agreement
But then you went and charged the rules
You turned our walk into a spectacle
And that was completely unacceptable

Once, twice, three times you're out
You didn't wait for me at the 1st gazebo
You made me run flat chat
And then you had the nerve to slam the door in my face
Have you forgotten who you're dealing with
I'm Billy the Bengal cat