Kenneth J. Miller

My horse is there in front of me
Clip-cloppin' down the road.
He stops and flips his tail straight up
And drops another load.

My cows dump in the meadow,
My chickens foul their coop,
And flies are buzzin' 'round and 'round
Eatin' all that poop.

The sheep are out there bleatin'...
I gotta' get a grip!
The stupid things are standin'
Knee-deep in their dip!

I swear on this here farm
There's every barnyard species,
And each and every one of them
Is makin' tons of feces.

I'm tired of smellin' livestock.
I'd like to take a nap.
But I can't sleep 'cause I dream of
Hogs wallowin' in their crap.

Now my wife is in the kitchen
Cookin' soup du jour,
But nothin' smells real good to me;
I'm surrounded by manure.

The bulls of Bickerton Lane do graze
Upon my verdant lawn.
I hear them in the morning haze
Mooing to the dawn.

They trample all my flowered shrubs;
They crush the dainty rose.
And then they pee this giant stream
As from a garden hose.

And what's this sticking to my shoe?
'Tis this I truly hate,
For it's the stinking residue
Of what the beasties ate.

So then I say, let's have some fun.
We'll let them eat the grass.
Whilst with my trusty BB gun,
I shoot them in the ass!