Poems by Jacquelyn Upton

You said you would always be here for me
But you left as soon as God came calling
You said you would be there the day I graduate
And that I would hear you scream my name as I went by
But you left before I could say otherwise
And I looked down into a full but empty crowd
Lost to the world wishing you were here

You said that you would look down upon me
Cast the rays of the sun onto all my dreams
But I haven't felt them yet
I linger in the darkness with tears still unwept
You said that I would be able to hear you whisper in the wind
I feel the breeze and watch the ruffled leaves play
But I have yet to hear what you have to say

You told me so many things to help get over the loss of you
But nothing is working, I long to have you by my side
To cuddle in your arms and hide
I long to hear you laugh again
And to see that smile spread across your face
Remembering past times; that's my favorite place

I don't see why He needed you
Others have fought it, made it, those that gave up made it too
Since you're up there, you tell me why he needed you
And you tell me why everything you said would happen isn't true
I just want to know, so the next time I'm crying on the floor
I can stop looking up angry, repeating what you said you swore

Trees, trees, trees
Branches, sticks, leaves
Whipping, gashing, slashing at my arms
I can't get away, no matter how fast I run

Tripping, falling, crawling on the floor
Ragged cuts, tattered clothes, jagged breathing as I start to slow
My eyes are heavy, my vision blurred
Distant images start to stir

He's right behind me, he's catching up
I have to keep moving, but my legs have had enough
Getting dizzy, about to pass out, a distant figure starts to stand out
A distant scream, a whispered plea, I can't believe it came from me

Pulse is racing, a feeling of hands, a gentle hush as I'm helped to stand
It's him, he's caught me, please strength, don't leave me yet
Let me be anything but his sullied pet
I have to leave, I have to get away, I fall to my knees and let my head sway

Stopping, he stares at me and gives a mirrored laugh
Then he reaches for me as I start to move back
I'm too slow, he's too fast, I can't get away, he's taking me back
I can't let this happen, I must react

Head's too fuzzy, I'm getting too weak
I'm stumbling over my own feet
One chance, a pull, a twist, a pop and a moan
I'm not the one with a broken bone

I'm still running, he's still coming
My strength's about to give out
Dead end, cliffs end, water and rocks below
Tell me, if you had a choice which way would you go?

Glittering eyes, full of smiles
Happy and proud all the way around
Never shed a tear, never scream out in fear
Never shown any signs of disappointment
or any signs of annoyance

Betrayed, lied, broken-hearted
Still laughing at the pain
You stand there staring at my delusive face
Questioning what goes on inside my mind
Contemplating on if I'm really fine

I am everything you want me to be
Everything and anything instead of me
You look at me and see one of the happiest teens
Never showing any signs of misleading or doubt
Pleading on the inside not to let my feelings out

Don't be fooled by what you see
This is nothing but mirror imagery

I want to write about how you make me feel,
How every time I see your face I know that you're real.
I can't describe the feeling you always raise in me.
I can't describe this wash of happiness that you seem to bring,
But I want to write about it; I want to write about you.

I want to write about that day we shared,
How every time you would laugh it would linger in the air.
I can't describe the loving look in your eyes.
I can't describe the reason why you won't say, "Goodbye."
But I want to write about it; I want to write about you.

I want to write about all our memories, all our stories, and adventures,
How we conquered them together,
But I can't describe the paths we took.
I can't describe the sense of security I felt in that one look.
But I want to; I want to write about you.

I want to write about us,
How everything felt was true love, not lust,
But I can't describe anything without you.
I can't describe all our hopes and dreams,
How everything that was so perfect left in a fleet of screams.

I want to write,
But I can't explain how our plans got so disarrayed,
How God just had to take you away.
I can't describe this sudden feeling I have to be by your side,
How even through death I have to hide all that I feel inside.

I want to write, but I forget how to describe what is meant.
I want to write about you, but I can't.
I can't describe the feeling of lost, the feeling of what it all cost
Or of the silent screams, the lovely dreams with just you and me,
But I want to.

No matter where you see a Red Rose
    Whether it's in a store or wild and free
You always see it withering
    There's never a chance to grieve until it's gone
But if you look onto a Yellow Rose
    The color is always perfect
The petals are never drooping
    And they're always of abundance....