Carrie

I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to tell you mostly
I hate that I'm so afraid of everything
I hate that you're the one thing I want the most but can't have
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye
I wish that you would come back to me
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left
I need to move on, says my head
I need to hold on, says my heart
I need to decide, says my mind
I envy the way this hasn't hurt you at all
I envy her
I envy the fact you don't understand what this feels like at all
I want to hurt you
I want to be with you
I want this nightmare to be over
I wish I could make things how they were before you
I wish I could change time
I wish I could change you
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted
I need you out of my thoughts
I need you out of my heart
I need to start doing things for me
I hate that you used me
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back
I hate that I wasted it with you
I'm tired of hoping aimlessly for you
I'm tired of wanting something I can't have
I'm tired of hurting me for things that aren't my fault
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough
I'm sorry I defended you when everyone else was right
I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me