Amar Qamar

Let me tell you a little story
On how I ended up in purgatory
It happened right after I died
And scales of judgement could not decide
The life I spent, was equally bad and good
Angles around me, confused they stood
A hundred percent equal score
It had never occurred before
After a while of contemplation
They came up with a unique notion
Turning in unison and without any emotion
Towards an ominous door they did motion
Their looks implied I should go through
Frozen in place with trepidation and dread
I could not move, a question I asked instead
"What is behind that door" I asked nervously
They stared at me, grim and serously
"Purgatory" they said, looking sad
"Filled with creatures and people, mostly bad"
"With beings from stories and myths,
"Where magic, and wonder still exists"
"For a millennia there you must abide"
After hearing this, I was somewhat excited
One last answer, I needed provided
"Why the sad looks, it sounds fascinating"
They replied "Thousand years is a long time"
"A cruel sentence, for not committing a crime"
"In that span of time, you could be driven mad"
I looked up and said "it is not so bad"
"I have lived on earth mate, for a hundred years"
"Slave for seventy, death, depression and tears
"Wars, genocides, evil and pain everywhere"
"Purgatory sounds a lot better than there"
I smiled at them, then looking at the door
I walked confidently, over the cloud like floor
"See you later" I said with a smile
I have not been this excited in quiet a while
I walk happily into the unknown...

I'm running to cleanse my soul.
"From what? To where?"
At this moment I do not care.
Rain drops beat against my face.
I run on faster, into its embrace.

"But why?"
To leave my cares behind.
To scream, to cry, to defy.
My feet hammering the ground.
In search of peace not yet found
I race on, clothes drenched in sweat.
To just let go, and forget.

"Had enough?"
Not yet, I scream at him silently.
As I feel my heart beating violently.
Against the wind and blustery showers.
I run on for what seems like hours.

"How much longer?"
Through the fury, past the past, and the pain.
So by this rain I'm washed and purified again.
So the breeze blows away the thoughts inside.
Until another hill, without running I can abide.

"When will you reach this goal?"
Until you my annoying friend stay quiet.
So I can be free from my life's disquiet.
After a while "anything else?" Not a sound...

I slow to a jog, and in my mind I prod around.
All silent, I relish the elements with a clear mind.
I turn around, and revel in the journey home.
With worries, and stress left behind.

I had it once, now it's gone
Like a knot it's been undone
Was once so tight, now so slack
Happy times I wish I could have back
I sit a home, and feel so lonely
It'll be great if that was all, if only...
Zombie on the outside, the living dead
But so many questions floating around my head
Confusions rains down, it pours
Pandora's Box, I've opened the doors
No sign of anyone who can help
No sense of feelings or of myself
Where I can find the answers
Who am I? What am I?
Am I a dream? Or am I the dreamer?
Am I a thought? Or a complex computer,
How do my thoughts start? What makes them end?
What makes me do this? What makes me do that?
I know I overanalyze, I can't help it
Thinking and gazing into space, as I sit
Why can't I accept the wisdom of those around
Not letting myself accept the answers I've found
I want to free myself from my mind
And not just to pretend
Everything's okay everything's fine
I want to be NORMAL... When it's going to end....