What Was I Thinking?

The night before I made you mad
I wasn't appreciating the love that I had
I came home so drunk, I was really quite late
I left you alone, sitting home there to wait

I was too self-involved, I wasn't using my head
Alcohol took over, its hunger I fed
I was drinking too often, I thought I was fine
Too blinded to realize the problem was all mine

I was never mad at you, I was mad at myself
I let life pass me by, seemed it was on the back shelf
I blamed all of my problems on everyone but me
Destined for ruins and alone I would be

I made a bad choice, I should have been there with you
My greatest mistake, and there was nothing I could do
I tried to get sober that night but made it worse than you know
I hated myself 'cause I resorted to blow

That night I never came home, cause I felt too much shame
You'd be able to tell, and there was only me I could blame
I text you that night to say tomorrow I would call
The next day with a hangover, I would forget that all

I went through my next days, scared you'd be mad
Hiding ashamed, not thinking you were sad
I forgot I had hurt you, I couldn't remember last night
My words cut you deep, on the phone in our fight

You wanted to love me, to work through it all out
I didn't know that, I was too scared you would shout
I gave it some time to get my head straight
I took way too long, how long should you wait?

You had now left me when I got my priorities in line
I wanted to marry you, but you were no longer mine
I cried and I lost it, how could I mess up so bad
This had all happened 'cause I spent to much time being mad

I got over my issues, I finally see clear
I was drinking and hiding, I had too much fear
The old me is gone, but how could you know
I wish I still had you, how I wish that was so

I'm sorry, Bunny (S.A.M.), I miss you every day