Journey Through Addiction

In my addiction, I was a liar. My only goal then was how to get higher.

Numbing out thoughts and 'passing the buck,'  Beaten and bruised, and down on my luck.

Hurting all those who once loved me most. Borrowing cash from coast to coast.

Abandoning morals, losing all pride. Shame and regret's all I felt deep inside.

My job and my husband just got in the way, 'Cause both had stopped giving me money to play.

Got arrested, molested, then lived at the Six. Went to such shameful lengths to get my next fix.

Unable to sleep, just stayed on my feet, Stealing and wheeling and dealing *repeat.

Excuses, abuses....I just didn't care. Self-loathing and cutting sure got me nowhere.

Now a shell of the outgoing girl I once was, (Well, I threw her away for a ten-minute buzz!)

No, family, no friends, no money for drugs, Just sketchy motels and hanging with thugs

No motivation, no pride, no reprieve. "I'm better off dead!" I came to believe.

Shattered and broken, I dropped to my knees, Looked upwards and cried, "Dear Lord, help me please...."

I'm done, I give in. I just tired and spent!" And before I realized, I began to repent.

"Please show me the way, please give me a sign!"I waited and wondered if there was still time.

I then heard some voices so I turned and found about five or six people just standing around.

Their faces looked bright, and they spoke with such ease, Like my friends and I did, before this disease.

Filtering inside the church one-by-one, I wanted so badly to join in their fun.

Where were they going? To Church? Now? Mid-week? Still, they seemed to possess all the things that I seek.

Next, what I saw, just left me mind-blown...The church-window sign read "YOU'RE NO LONGER ALONE"

I lost it, I bawled, for my sign ... was a sign! And from that moment on, I just knew I'd be fine.

I found myself creeping towards the church door. (Two A's side by side assured me once more).

"Hey there, I'm Mike, take a load off, come in!" (I doubt they'd be smiling if they'd knew where I'd been...

All the people I've hurt, all the bad things I've done and why? Just to escape this thing I'd become?

So, o'er the next hour they spoke of their past. Their story was mine....was I home at long last?

They shared from the Big Book and explained the 12 steps. For sobriety, am I willing to go to such depths?

YES! It was worth anything I had in me to give, tired of just getting by, I now wanted to live!

So I took a deep breath, no longer melancholic, and said "Hi my name's Tracy. I'm an addict and alcoholic"