I Long For My Escape

Lately when I wake each day,
The sunlight hurts my eyes,
And when I think of yesterday,
I want to just curl up and cry.

It seems that life is getting harder,
My sense of loneliness extreme,
My sadness more disabling,
And the abuse now more routine.

I've discovered a reality
That has consumed my very life,
Which is sometimes even breathing
Can become a constant fight.

There are moments so exhausting
From the internal, chronic pain,
That death itself seems like a blessing
Because living life's become my bane.

I thought that age would garner needed peace,
A final freedom for my soul.
But instead, the chaos and the conflict
Have grown worse as I've grown old.

It seems that some of those bad choices
That I made along the way
Remain with me just like my shadow
And will chase me to my grave.

It only takes one other person
To change your life into a hell
And make your home a ceaseless battlefield
Rather than the haven where you dwell.

My compassion and my tolerance
Proved my most pathetic traits.
They were my vices hiding in disguise
That led me to my wretched fate.

I believed in love and people changing.
I overestimated my own skills.
I thought that I could transform anyone
Through my sheer intellect and will.

Now it's far too late for changes now
The Monster's reached his grandest scale
And compared to him in all his glory,
My aged strength and weapons pale.

But I discovered an advantage,
Which I hope to master soon.
Providing that this nightmare
Doesn't render me a hopeless loon.

I now accept my dreary prison,
And I accept there's no escape.
I accept that through this misery
My heart and soul I may forsake.

I have discovered that one's death can come
Even when their heart is beating
And that instead of fighting back sometimes
The wiser move is in retreating.

I will stay silent and invisible.
I won't challenge or debate.
I'll play possum for my enemy
And perhaps I will stay safe.

At last, my fate will rest with God above
And my perdition will be done
Whether the Monster meets his just defeat
Or my own eternal rest will come.