Tabitha Houghton-Smith

I thought I found the perfect guy,
one that knew how to treat me right.
But I forgot to hold on,
and now he's gone.

I should have pushed harder for it to work,
but I didn't and now I'm hurt.
I can't remove his picture from my mind
I think about him all the time.

He meant everything to me,
and now we can't be.
I ruined it all,
I say as I slowly fall.

I miss the way it was with him,
and now the light's starting to dim.
Everything inside is dead.
I can't get him out of my head.

I need him to survive.
He makes me feel so alive.
He has my everything,
and without him it's just not the same.

When he told me good-bye,
all I could think of is why.
I hate having to act like it's all right,
especially when all I do is cry at night.

I hate dwelling on my past
and sitting here wondering why it didn't last.
I wish I could be with him right now
I should get over him, but I can't learn how.

I think about how it used to be and I smile.
I hoped he planed on staying a while,
but he left me alone and helpless,
and he knows it's him I will miss.

It only took the first two lines
to make the tears come out of my eyes.
They poured out and wouldn't stop.
What I read was a total shock.

You said, "Its not you, it's me,"
but it didn't take me long to see
that it is me and not you,
and I am the reason we are through.

You completely broke my heart.
I never wanted us to part,
but now we are, and I wonder why.
All I really want to do is cry.

My bleeding heart is more that hurt,
but I hide it by talking dirt.
I say things I don't mean.
and all I do is cause a big scene..

I may say I hate you, but the truth is
that I hate when you leave me like this,
slowly dying
and my insides crying.

I love you, and nothing will ever change that,
but it's hard to live with the fact
that you're really gone
and I have to move on.

I really miss the way I felt with you,
and anymore I don't know what to do.
I never wanted it to end,
because I love you more than you can imagine.

I put on this act,
as I walk through the halls looking like I don't care.
People talk behind my back,
like I'm not even there

They call me slut, they call me whore,
and frankly I just can't take it anymore.
They don't know me at all,
and I won't let them see me fall.

They don't see the feelings that I hide.
Do they realize how much it hurts?
They don't see what's bottling up inside.
Do they realize they shouldn't talk dirt?

So many things left unsaid.
So many reasons why my insides feel dead.
Why would he do this to me?
Why did God choose my family?

I walk through the halls with a stumble,
realizing I'm about to fall.
The worst is happening I say with a tumble,
I can't do this, I have got to stand tall.

My world is starting to die.
and I slowly start to cry.
People talking smack,
right behind my back.

The childish games they play
need to end this very day.
I don't think they realize,
the tears coming out my eyes.

I hate how they get to me,
and how they don't see
that my heart is bleeding,
and that my tears have meaning.

They mean I am hurt,
and I want them to stop talking dirt.
They mean that I can't take it,
and that there's stuff they just don't get.

There's more to me than they know.
I just don't let it show.
I hide the things inside.
But I wish I could speak my mind.

I wish they knew the real me.
Then they could leave me be.
I'm just so scared of rejection
that I can't even stand my own reflection.

People just don't understand,
I want to show who I really am.
There are so many things I need to say,
but even if I could, they won't give me the time of day

If only I could say it all.
Then I wouldn't easily fall.
They just don't comprehend.
That I could be a great friend.

I hate how they view me,
as small and weak.
Inside me I am learning to be tough,
I am able to fight through the rough.

I just wish that was who I could be,
on the outside that is, I mean.
My world would be so much easier,
if I could be a little happier.

Like I had said,
their childish games need to end.
and they need to realize
that there is truth beyond these eyes.