Paul Hayward

My childhood Christmas memories always make me smile.
I'll often drift to long ago and stay there for a while.
Remember singing carols long before the date?
Of counting days from Halloween, I really couldn't wait.
Recalling cherished carefree times that advent used to bring.
The infant class nativity, the songs we used to sing.
The being good, the secret smiles when making Christmas wishes,
The showing off to Santa by drying up the dishes.
"Eat your food, the elves are watching" was often said to me,
And though I'd quickly turn my head I never got to see,
And it always snowed at Christmas, least that's what I recall.
Standing by the fireside glow, watching the snowflakes fall,
I well recall the bustling shops, not frenzied like today.
The kindly smiles and gestures that set you on your way,
I crave the smells, and seasonal sights, the tastes that were sublime,
The long gone folk who touched our lives so much at Christmas time.
The sleepless nights on Christmas Eve, a mix of joy and fear,
While listening out for Santa Claus (I heard him every year),
And sleep might come eventually, though fitful if at all.
Then up I'd jump on Christmas Day, the greatest time of all,
Waking up the family to see if he had been,
Closing eyes and walking in to see the festive scene,
Running to a pile of gifts, "I can't believe my eyes."
"How did you know I wanted that?" and "What a great surprise!"

And then one year the magic did not seem to be as strong.
To believe in Father Christmas was childish and quite wrong,
So I never heard his sleigh bells on Christmas Eve again,
Nor saw snow at Christmas, just wind and sleet and rain.
And so it was for many years, my childhood Christmas gone.
Grown up responsibilities was the order from now on,
Until that is the greatest gift, a child to call my own.
Her Christmas Eve excitement by me was so well-known,
And as I kissed her goodnight last year and closed the door,
I swear I heard his sleigh bells upon the roof once more.

I am lying next to you, awake now while you sleep,
For death has just released me, yet in your dream you weep.
If only you could see me, so peaceful and serene,
But you must live a little more and carry on the dream,
A dream from which one day you'll wake and see me by your side,
And know for sure that I'm still here and that I never "died."
So now go on, be strong and look for me in wondrous things,
In the quietness of starlight and the warmth that sunshine brings,
And hear my voice to calm you, to say that it's all right,
For I'm only here beside you, whispering in the night.
Of course you'll cry, you'll miss me, your very soul will ache,
But I am here, a breath away, waiting for you to wake,
So know that life is just a dream of love and fleeting pain,
And know I'm waiting by your side to love you once again.

Open your heart to happiness.
Let every pore absorb light.
Swim in the joy of the here and now,
And cast off the darkness of night.
Walk in the summer of sunshine.
Fly in the blueness of sky.
Know possibilities are boundless.
Understand that nothing can die.
Step from the shadows of torment.
Sing 'til your throat gets too sore.
Smile for as long as the day is,
And laugh just a little bit more.
Breathe slowly and deeply and listen.
Give all your ideas a chance.
Let the sun beat down on your goodness,
And kick off your shoes and dance.