Pamela

Our street was once a peaceful place
Kids played and you could jog
But our tranquil life was shattered
When the neighbour got a dog.

The thing would howl all through the day
And even after dark
And just as you tried to go to sleep...
The mongrel thing would bark.

It soiled all the lawns, but his
It chased the Postie's bike
And anyone who whined at all
Was told to "Take a hike!"

Old Bazza asked the owner straight
To silence the ugly brute
But the neighbour said
"My dog don't bark!"
"And I think he's rather cute."

The neighbourhood was up in arms
So of his own volition
Old Bazza went from door to door
And took up a petition.

The Council gravely listened
Then notified the Pound
Who gave the bloke a warning
But didn't take the hound.

One night Bazza came home late
(He'd had a lot to drink)
And when the thing began to howl
It pushed him to the brink.

He parked the car down near the curb
Then with bonnet lifted wide
He blasted on the air horns
Until the battery died.

Not satisfied his point was made
Into the street he strode
Then barked and howled for all to hear
In the middle of the road.

"Woof Woof, Bloody Woof Woof!"
He yelled it out with force
Until all the neighbours were awake
And he was nearly hoarse.

But his goings-on were tempered
By a team of Police in black
Who suddenly appeared en masse
And cut short his attack.

They tackled him and put him down
His shorts and shirt were torn
His face was in the wood chip
And his hair wore bits of lawn.

Now Bazza is a legend
And he takes great pains to tell
How the mutt next door could howl and bark
And give the neighbours hell

He could foul the grass and bite the kids
And never get molested
But when Bazza tried to do the same
He promptly got arrested.