Cynthia C. Naspinski

Have you noticed that your husband suffers from a strange affliction
That will most often affect him in the bedroom or the kitchen?
Though you must try hard to treat him with compassion and with kindness,
It is really quite the challenge dealing with Domestic Blindness.

At the fridge, has he stood grumbling that there isn't any cheese,
Then you've reached around to pluck it out as easy as you please?
And perhaps you've walked away and then overheard him mutter -
"How am I meant to find something that's hid behind the butter?"

Does he stare into his sock drawer and cast his eyes about
As if waiting for the pair he seeks to levitate right out?
You see, this weird condition may not just affect his eyes,
For his arms and hands will often dangle useless at his sides.

Have you asked him to please fetch you something from the pantry shelf,
To have him take so long that you must go look for yourself?
Have you stood beside him wond'ring how he hasn't yet caught sight
Of the item, front and centre, on the shelf at his eye height?

Does the can opener elude him, or the clippers for his nails?
Does his gaze slide past the shirt he seeks hanging on the rail?
Much like when he's half listening but you know he isn't hearing,
His eyes seem to be looking but he isn't really seeing.

Does he lay the blame with you for giving faulty information,
If you're off by several inches when you gave him the location?
Or your painstaking description doesn't mesh with what he's seen,
'Cause he insists that grey is blue, what you call blue is green.

We vowed to have and hold our men for better and for worse,
So we try not to belittle them, or chide or mock or curse.
We attempt to bite our tongues and to stifle any sighs
But, of course, we're only human so we'll always roll our eyes.

That Marie Kondo would have a conniption
If she were to open the drawer in my kitchen.
A search of this drawer isn't for the faint-hearted.
You'll want to give up though your quest's barely started.

There's a watch with only one working hand,
A hundred and seventy-three rubber bands,
Various screws and bolts and the like,
A bike puncture kit (though we haven't a bike),
An assortment of batteries most likely dead -
Put back in the drawer just to mess with your head,
A used birthday candle half melted and icky,
A sticky lint roller that's ceased being sticky,
An old dog collar that's long been outgrown,
A cat toy that gets no reaction when thrown,
The kettle manual that I've kept 'cause I oughta -
In case we forget how to boil the water,
A disposable lighter that no longer lights,
A superglue tube with the cap glued on tight,
A cracked ping pong ball, a stretched hair elastic -
Throwing them out must have seemed a bit drastic,
A chopstick, a Chapstick, some moist(?) towelettes,
Mismatched shoelaces, a mix-tape cassette,
Old chargers and earbuds - hopelessly tangled,
Sunglasses that were scratched but are now also mangled,
Blank bits of paper that once were receipts,
Mysterious keys and spare golf shoe cleats,
Takeaway menus with five year old prices,
Remote controls for long gone devices,
Hex keys galore courtesy of IKEA,
Adaptors and cords (what they're for...no idea),
Lens cleaning cloths that look none too clean,
And old copper coins that have turned somewhat green.

Each time the drawer's opened, I'm filled with disgust
At the mess and the chaos. Oh why don't I just
Clear out all this junk, toss it all in the bin?
Then I wrestle it closed...poking cables back in.

Tummies flat and waists so tiny,
Perky breasts and cleavage shiny,
Photoshopped into 'perfection,'
On display for our inspection.

Body shapes manipulated,
Filtered, tweaked, exaggerated.
Legs made longer, thighs made lean,
Create a thigh gap in between.

Natural looking, beachy hair
Arranged and styled with utmost care.
Air-brushed bodies, smooth and tight;
Erased stretch marks and cellulite.

Flawless, poreless faces glowing,
Not a line or blemish showing.
Eyes and teeth are whitened, brightened,
Cheekbones contoured, jawlines tightened.

Plumped and pouty lips abound,
Rounded bubble butts astound.
Provocative, contorted posing
Taunt and flaunt in skin-tight clothing.

Workouts, pills, restrictive diets,
You can look like this - just try it.
Makeup, supplements, and creams;
We'll profit from your beauty dreams.

Insidiously, this toxic stream
Eats away our self-esteem,
So when we take in our reflection,
All we see is imperfection.

Benny the bear was bare of all hair
And barely could bear being hairless.
He felt rather silly (and a little bit chilly)
And wished that the hairy bears stared less.

Before long, the bears with their full coats of hair
Barely noticed young Benny Bear's bareness.
But bearing in mind, a bare bear's hard to find,
Benny soon grew aware of his rareness.

So it came to bear that when Benny the bear
Got stared at he barely could care less.
He didn't mind, he was one of a kind;
A rare bear who's beautifully hairless!