Hindsight

Published by Family Friend Poems May 2008 with permission of the Author.

I don't like guns but if I had one I would shoot hindsight.

It rears its ugly laughing head to make a mockery of you and the choices that you made.

Leaving you feeling stupid, stupid, stupid - or ashamed, or both and relentlessly thinking the dreaded 'if only' - 'if only'.

Haunting. Taunting.

Eating into your brain, it worms out your mistakes and chastises you for your:
poor judgment
poor decision making
incompetence
inconsistency
naivety (with hindsight I should have checked the spelling)
lack of foresight
denial
weakness
false hope
self delusion
trust
belief
faith
love
life
and so on...

It's not good. I hate it. I don't want it. But I have no choice.

It chases me, smugly winning the game of hide and seek. Always.

There is no escape.

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN! What to do to make it go away?

Live the pain and the humiliation and the feeling like a maggot and the guilt and the
knowledge that yet again you mucked (exchange the first letter, if you want to) up.

It happened.
Learn from it.
Move on.
Get a grip.
Be wiser.
Forgive yourself.
That's life.

And just maybe, hindsight is a gift?

And maybe it isn't.

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