Deer In The Garden

Come and see my lovely garden with its borders, beds and shrubs
Take a look at the wisteria, the camellias in tubs
Admire the antirrhinums the gardenias and stocks
The asters and surfinias and towering hollyhocks

Marvel at the fuchsia, hydrangea and sweet pea
the pale nicotiana beneath the apple tree
Sniff the fragrant jasmine, peruse the passion flower
See an old man's beard entwined within a virgin's bower

But where (I hear you ask) are all the roses in their prime?
The Iceberg and Hot Chocolate or Celebration Time?
The hostas have all vanished, no begonias are left
And gaily painted pansy plants - of blooms they are bereft!

The buds have all been eaten, the petals all consumed
There are neatly scissored stalks where fine blossoms should have bloomed
The Lizzies are not busy, the lilies are not fair
The roses are all naked, petunias all laid bare

A deer's been in my garden. It's very plain to see
He's nibbled by the sunken pond, He's munched behind the tree
He's grazed around the garden gnomes, no flower is left to smell
This heavenly perfumed Shangri la is now an elkish hell!

So, I built a five foot wooden fence, nailed trellis to the top
Put chairs and crates across the gaps, the hungry beast to stop
Daubed potions made with chilli, garlic (egg to make it stick)
I bought a life size cardboard lion. But nothing's done the trick

So what to do I hear you cry - I'll cut straight to the core
A Beanfield Sniper's on my lap, and soon you'll hear it roar
And if you look towards the shed, some antlers you will see
I'll make some comfy deerskin slippers - and there'll be venison for tea!

(Beanfield Sniper - rifle for shooting deer)