Husband And The Battle Of Addiction

• by Amanda W
• 3 years ago

That hit home. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I battled the same addiction 20 years ago. And loving him is so much harder. I can't fix this. Only he can. My love for him is like a curse. And I'm in love with a memory. Anyone in our shoes should listen to Broken Window Serenade by Whiskey Meyers.

• by May
• 4 years ago

I'm sorry ladies. I am curious how your journeys turned out. Have your husbands gotten clean? If so, what was their rock bottom? I fear my husband's death will be his rock bottom. I'm terrified. I'm a mess. I am crying nonstop and taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications! I'm a mess. I miss him. My heart is shattered. He hid his crystal meth addiction.

• by Kelly L
• 5 years ago

This poem touched my heart. My husband has been battling addiction for 2+ years. We have been together for 14 years. He has always treated me like a queen. We share 3 beautiful & intelligent children together. This is breaking my heart, our children's heart, and I am lost. I never stepped away or chose not to help him. I don't want to do that now. Although, I do not know how much more I can handle. I can feel myself drowning and losing hope. My bills went from being over paid to shut off notices. He was always the main provider. I went back to work full time. It still doesn't touch my bills.
He thinks he has the addiction under control and he can handle it. Therefore, he will not get the help he desperately needs. He has been spending close to $2,000 a week on pills. Now, I recently found out he is doing fentanyl as well. My heart is broken and I do not know where to go from here. I love him more than my life, and that is beyond crazy, with all the hell he has put me through.

• by Aurora
• 5 years ago

OMG. I broke down and had the hardest cry that I've been holding in. After most of his life trying different things, my boyfriend has been addicted to heroin and fentanyl. He's been in jail for 9 days now. His addictions have cost him his freedom and time away from our 3 girls and me. Since he's been locked up, it has cost me my job and almost our electric. Still struggling for rent. I cried so hard because it felt like I wrote it. Every line and sentence I felt it happening all over again. He wants the help and might get in a program, but it's in jail and up to 6 months. First time he has been away from us. I'm holding it together for the girls, but the nights are the hardest.

• by Debbie Jaftha
• 5 years ago

I've been married to my husband for almost 10 years, and the alcohol abuse has gotten worse. I don't know if I should stay or leave? We have one daughter, age 7, and she adores her father, but the alcohol consumption is too much for me to handle. I do not come from this type of background, and I have recently turned to AA for help. So sorry for your loss, and may God bless you for sharing your story.

• by Alanna Kirkpatrick
• 6 years ago

Today would have been my husband's 47th birthday. He died a year ago. I had divorced him. I loved and still love him so much. He was an amazing, beautiful, funny, intelligent soul. We stopped living together, and 9 months later he was dead. I will never get a second chance with him. But reading so many stories, I remember how our life together had become so toxic. I wish I had gone to AA and things had turned out differently. I read how addicts can recover. So to all of you whose loved ones are still battling their disease, I wish you and your loved ones recovery and happiness and hope you get your second chance.

• by Anna Chodkiewicz
• 7 years ago

Such beautiful words. They resonated with me. The most painful thing I go through daily is watching the man I loved turn more and more into a stranger. My children no longer have a fun dad around them. They fight and argue just to get his attention. I pray I have the strength one day soon to say enough is enough and be done with it. But I'm still foolishly living in hope that one day the man I know is in there will show himself again.

• by April
• 8 years ago

So nice to know I'm not alone. My husband is an alcoholic. It's so hard to watch him drown himself. He blames everyone. We fight all the time.

• by Danielle
• 8 years ago

This poem is exactly what I needed to read. I fell in love with an incredibly intelligent and kind individual who made me feel absolutely beautiful. I had 0 doubts in my mind that I would spend my life with him. I knew he drank, but I didn't realize how much until we started living together. The last 3 years have been a roller coaster ride. The lying, the sneaking out, the manipulation, the tension have all really taken a toll on me. I never knew how terrible it felt to feel so lonely when the person you adore is sitting next to you, but is completely absent. We broke up 8 months ago, but I still feel this responsibility to watch out for him. It kills me any time I know he is going out. I sit at home worrying that he will drink and do something stupid. This poem was one more reminder that I don't have control over HIS addiction. I pray to God that he will some day soon realize how valuable and worthy he is of living a better life and I hope that we both can find peace.

• by Lisa Echols Pate, Hot Springs
• 9 years ago

My husband believed in me before I did. He came into the picture when I was 14+ years into my drug addiction. He came in like a tornado. We met. Fell in love. Went for treatment. I had been praying, you see, for God to send me a way out of my lifestyle, drugs & severe anxiety and depression. I told him if he would, I would seize the opportunity and wouldn't let it get away. I fell many times and I'm not perfect by any means but today I'm going on 3 years clean, serving God fully, married, have a family, a nice home, nice car. It's all from God. I simply chose to give up my 50 hydrocodone a day. Not to say I didn't put in the hard work. It didn't magically happen. But God sent someone who taught me how to love, who believed in me, taught me to love myself, he's always supportive, loves to serve God, teaches me daily how to be a better person by example, has patience with me. It truly has been a blessing!! Anyone who doesn't think they can do it, just turn it over to God and ask him to help!

• by Lisa Maddox
• 10 years ago

This poem says exactly what I've been going through. I've cried an ocean full of tears. My heart is in a million pieces. I wonder sometimes if I will ever recover from watching the one I love most struggle and fail. After waiting 2 years for him to get out of prison and to "prove himself" just to watch him go back to jail 2 more times. I can't hold up this sinking ship. I will never stop loving or praying for him, but I can't be with him anymore.

• by Patti Cross, St. Gabriel
• 10 years ago

I understand exactly how each of you feel. I've been there too. To love someone and watch them do things and be someone you know they don't have to be - it's very hurtful. There was a lot of pain because I just couldn't understand why he kept this up when he loved me and knew how badly he was hurting me. Fast forward many years, lots of pain and tears and tons of prayers. He decided to try AA. From there he turned to God. It wasn't easy and he took many steps backward. He kept working at his sobriety and today he is a sober, very spiritual, happy person. God gave us both the strength we needed to get where we are today.
God Bless all of you.

• by Scared To Death
• 10 years ago

My husband has been addicted to something since one known him. For the last 4 years (that I know of) it has been pills. We have one daughter and decent jobs. He spends about $700 a month, at least (that I know of). I pay our bills and have tried sooo hard to keep us above water for sooo long. We are at Rock bottom. Could lose everything. Not to mention the lying, the secrets and the mood swings :*( he has "tried" to quit many times. Which is usually on a special occasion such as our anniversary or my birthday or the anniversary of my dad's death (the 1st year, because that wasn't already hard enough). And those times are emotionally trying as well. He always turns everything around and makes me the bad guy. Them I'm left feeling sad and thinking while he goes off pissed off and angry. Never apologizing or being sorry. It happened again last night. I found he spent the last money we had and got mad. Now today I'm crying and sad and he's angry and mad and won't speak to me :( that's ass backwards but I guess not really in this situation. It's spot on. I'm exhausted!!! I feel like I'm going to collapse at any time. I don't want to give up on him. Plus I have no idea how I'll manage to keep everything I've fought so hard to get all by myself!!! If it wasn't for the fact that I never want to leave my little girl I probably would have just left this life by now. I know that sounds stupid but I'm just completely exhausted :(

• by Bonny Houchin, Illinois
• 10 years ago

Thank you for sharing your stories and the wonderful poem. Not only has my husband been addicted to pills for over 13 yrs., my 20 years old son is a recovering addict now 8 months sober.
Their addictions have slowly drained me inside. I wake up daily worrying about my other 2 children, how to pay bills, what kind of mood my husband will be in, the list goes on. I love him but hate him and suffer as much if not more than he. It's a horrible, dark, and lonely life for everyone involved. God Bless anyone living this way.

• by Monica
• 10 years ago

Thank you for this. My husband has been addicted to pills for 9 years and while I love him with all my heart I've had to leave with our 3 beautiful children. Everyday is a struggle to just let him go and let him do this on his own, It's taken up my happiness and well my entire life. I started crying after the first sentence in your poem, because it's like its me writing every word. I can't thank you enough, I'm sorry you and every other person who's commented has to go through the madness and heartache of watching your loved one spiral down and be taken over by an addiction. Your all in my prayers.

• by Margaret, Edinburgh
• 10 years ago

Julie, this poem has not just spoken to me but shouted loudly at me. I have had to break away from my husband because of his alcohol and gambling addictions. I love him dearly but in my late 50's cannot bear the pain, disappointment and heartache any more. Thank you for this poem. It has touched me. I am sorry you had to deal with this too. Much love, Margaret xxx

• by Ellen. Strathclyde
• 10 years ago

This touched the spot. It is sadly very true and affects most families today. I have watched my true love slowly fade into a stranger due to his addiction. Now I cannot see him, I can't take the rush of emotions that I get. He is not the person I fell in love with. I can only hope and pray that one day he will be better and no suffering. I lost my soul mate to Heroin. I wasn't able to conquer that demon and keep what was mine. I was defeated by a substance that took control of his life in a sinister way, the grip was stronger than him. Loved and lost. X

• by Lorrie/ Heartbroken
• 11 years ago

I lay here tonight and tried to get rid of some of the angrier I have had for my husband who is trying to get clean again from pill addiction. He has tried so many times before and always seems to go back! I found out about him using 08, it has been a long hard road with him for me and all his family! I came across this poem and bust into tears for I am this girl and I have finally realized these past few weeks. That I have been hiding in my sorrows of not being able to help him, and blocking everyone and everything out trying to help my husband. But I have fought this fight long enough for him! It's time to heal my heart and worry about me and I only pray that he can do the same! Remember my family in prayer as I will you all as well! Thank you so much for sharing this poem and to everyone else for sharing your story as well!

• by Lonely, Corpuschristi
• 11 years ago

I relate to this poem 'the battle' I've been married for 10 years and have 2 wonderful kids. I would lie and cover for him. Didn't want to believe that the drug had won so I left him couldn't do this anymore. I was holding on to the pass and wanted to bring him back but it was not possible so I let him go and make his choices, thought he would stop but I was wrong. Now he's been in prison 3 years and tells me he's changed but I don't believe him or feel it in my heart he can be trusted anymore so I must go on. I love him with all my heart but he's not the man I once fell in love with. Too late now that he tells me he's found the love of my life to give him that chance sorry but I cant it's all I could say as much as it hurts

• by Tina, Quezon City
• 12 years ago

Thank you for your poem. It captures how I have been feeling all this time, so much that I just found tears running down my cheeks. So thank you for telling me that I am not alone in feeling this way all these years.

• by Kellie Cowart Cambridge Mass
• 12 years ago

Oh my goodness it like this was written for my daughter she will die soon if she doesn't help herself. There is nothing else for me to do but prepare this family and her girls for her death she has been on the run because she got wind of a intervention. I am so sick in my heart heart and soul because I feel like I have failed as her mom. What else I am to do I don't know anymore I'm hurting really bad her daughter is hurting .how do you tell a nine year old whom her mom is her hero she may die, I can't do it.

• by Eufaula, Ok
• 12 years ago

I am 34 and have done drugs since I was 15 and then seen the light and frighten my way back for my wife and 7 kids. I still have my job thank god for that it is only by his power that I will make it because my way was not doing it. So I say to all if you can do any thing to help your loved one do it you will save them they will get mad but give it time they will not stay that way forever. My dad didn't. I have been clean now for 40 days and hope for many more days.

• by Bobbie, Las Vegas NV
• 13 years ago

My 18 year old son overdosed on heroin, with God by him he made it through. I saw him laying in the ambulance as they jump started his heart 2 times. My son my baby boy...God Please bring him back to me. He is here today but fighting the demons everyday, this is his fight alone but he will never Be alone I will always be there to Pray for him
I love you Brandon , my Son, my baby. Love MOM

• by Michelle, Washingon
• 13 years ago

A beautifully written poem, exactly what it is like to have someone close to you that has an addiction problem. My sister has been a meth addict for 17 years, and has a 9 year old son. He lives with me and my parents. I love him more than anything and I know the pain he is going to have his whole life, one that we will share. His will be far greater because it is his mother.

• by Jennifer, Illinois
• 13 years ago

This poem really touched me and showed me that I wasn't alone. It described all the feelings that I have felt and still feel. My husband is a heroin addict. He was sober for a long time. I don't really know what happened but I saw him slowly slipping away and our life getting worse and worse. Now he facing 4 to 16 years in prison, we are still married and I am pregnant with our second child. I love him tremendously and I hope this is what he needed to get his life back together because I'm not ready to lose him to this awful drug. I feel for everyone who has loved ones who suffer from this disease.

• by Megan, Canada
• 13 years ago

This poem has really brought me to tears cuz my brother is addicted to drugs I'm pretty sure he has done every drug possible and denies everything I'm 15 and have been watching him hit rock bottom for bout 5 years now and he constantly needs money from me and he guilt trips so he can buy his drugs. He's hurting my parents so much he needs help but won't get any. Thanks for this poem

• by Gmi, Ma
• 13 years ago

I AM that girl right now, so helpless and full of fear....thank you for sharing :)

• by Ashley, Lancaster CA
• 13 years ago

I love this poem I have a boyfriend addicted to pills xanax I pray everyday for him to get well he knows he has a problem and is scared because he keeps going back to them. I pray for him to get through this it's so hard for me to stay to watch him struggle each day there is nothing I can do or say so I will continue to pray.

• by Holly A. Sutton
• 13 years ago

I cried reading this heartfelt poem. I myself was an alcoholic/ Meth addict for 14 years. Through the grace of God and many prayers I am still clean and sober after 4 years. I know the hurt you are feeling. I will be praying for your loved one. Stay strong but like your poem said this is a battle that he and only he can fight. Praying for his recovery and you to have a beautifully restored relationship. God Bless

• by Lesa, USA
• 13 years ago

Tried to save him of his drug abuse and I know now he can only do it. Nothing I say or do can make him get to recovery

• by Marie, Ohio
• 13 years ago

Addiction no matter what it's to effects the addict and their loved ones. This poem really touches on both, you can read the pain that this person has gone through. God bless this family and every reader that may be going to that cold dark place we all would prefer not to know ADDICTION.

• by Cn, Wisconsin
• 13 years ago

This poem really touched my heart, since I was about 4 my dad has been an alcoholic and this is exactly how I feel, stay strong.

• by Baylyn, WI
• 14 years ago

I love this poem. Good job. My Dad does drugs but doesn't know I know. I wish he would stop but I cannot tell him I know. :)

• by Kelly, NJ
• 14 years ago

That really said it all. I was once that same girl :( Thank u.

• by Beth, New Zealand
• 14 years ago

This poem touched me so much that there was a flood of tears. My, now ex husband is an addict! It cost me my marriage, health + my self esteem. I fought for my marriage + for him to get better for 6 years. I couldn't cope with the 'mistress meth' + finally gave up + ended it. He still pops in every now + then but the last time was the worst. He looked 'dead' + was so wasted. I don't see him surviving for much longer. I just wish he could see what's happening. His words to me , re: his addiction ,are 'I'm not an addict. I can give it up anytime I want'. Is that an addict talking or what ?! I have mended my life but he continues to destroy his. Thanks for the 'REAL LIFE' poem Julie + I wish you all good things for the future

• by Sharon
• 14 years ago

This poem really touched me for 2 reasons. My husband is an alcoholic and has been in recovery for 2 years and I pray it's over for good. Also my son is in prison for drug abuse.. it affects the whole family and a day never passes for me of feeling quite alone and racked with worry.

• by Fatima Abduraouf
• 14 years ago

This poem describes exactly what I think all parents go through when their kids are substance abusers. I attend a rehabilitation programme in support of my sister's 2 sons who were heavy pot smokers. I hear these types of cries every week. Some of the youngsters coming into the programme are absolutely clean and then there are those entering the programme who have had a relapse. It is heart rendering to look at these young people wanting to change but odds are against them. Parents are applying tough love all the time. Thank you for the poems sent via Poem of the Day. I read them at the programme as a form of encouragement. Many thanks

• by Christie, California
• 14 years ago

Thank you so much for this wonderful poem! I cried when I read it because it's kind of what I've been holding in for so long. I'm 16 years old and my older brother is a drug addict and an alcoholic. He's only 21. It hurts me so much and I really appreciate your poem because it makes me feel like I'm not all alone. Thank you!

• by Steve Cropp
• 14 years ago

I read your poem and it brought back to me all the wasted years I spent with a bottle of pain pills in my hand ... ready to consume both just for the satisfaction of giving my life and soul to the devil ... and let him unfold my life before me ... in letting me understand that I am stronger then any addiction ... and with a lot of pray and believing in myself ... I overcame said addictions ... and I spend my time now going to college studying Psychology ... to better understand myself ... and my fellow human beings ...

• by Dianna, Nova Scotia
• 14 years ago

Thank you for sharing this, it says everything I feel and I realize I am not alone in this. My boyfriend of 4 years has an addiction and he has taken everything from him as well as me, I'm tired and can no longer be by his side.

• by Beth, Illinois
• 14 years ago

I am the mother of a 19 year old son, who has been a heroin addict since he was 15. We have been through rehab, counseling, therapy, doctors, meds...and he is still using. I thought has been clean since his last release from rehab 6 months ago. Wrong...again. He is also type 1 diabetic and bi-polar. He cannot seems to find the help he need. Because of the depression, he has all but given up hope. I am trying to be supportive without enabling. It is a fine line to walk, especially when your head knows what you need to do, but your heart has a hard time not letting you take care of them. I am so scared he will feel abandoned and do the thing I most fear, the taking his own life because he does not value it anymore. Your poem makes me remember that I am not alone in feeling this way. Thank you.

• by Sandra
• 14 years ago

I am a past drug user that is now trying to help my Grandson fight an addiction. I can't fight it for him but I will be here for him when know one else will. This poem helps me to relate that I can't do this for him only he can do it.

• by Ieshia, Iowa
• 14 years ago

I really like this poem.
This poem has touched my heart because my boyfriend decides to do coke when he is upset or something bothering him that he can't fight it to make it change.
He doesn't do it everyday and he doesn't do it all the time.
He's a good man at heart, he works everyday morning to night, he such good man but he drinks and smokes and sniffs his lines and for some reason his answer is not good enough to my question why? He knows I don't like it so that when he does it he decides not to come home. These be the days his number doesn't ring through my phone.
He tell me this is just what Mexican do and hunny your black you'll never understand what we go through!
I ask is this a race thing involved and he says no babe not at all. He says babe I know you don't like it and I'm going to work to change that but than as soon as he gets mad he goes back to that. I love him so much and I just want it all to change! He is 23 years old and I hope and pray today will not be the day!

• by Michelle Meece
• 14 years ago

I really liked your poem. I know exactly what you're going through. Check out my poem, "Puppet on A String". You'll know all too well that I've been there, too. Best of luck.

• by Caroline, Shetland Scotland
• 14 years ago

This is what I've been thinking but not been able to say. Thank you.

• by Kerrie, Phoenix
• 14 years ago

I have been in recovery for 3 years now. And sometimes when trying to get our life back on track, we tend to forget all the pain and suffering we have caused our loved ones. Thanks for the reminder that recovery is not a lone process, but the whole family is included. My best wishes

• by Jessica, Oklahoma
• 14 years ago

This poem expresses exactly what I feel.... the sorrow is too great :( thank you for sharing.